


It's not bad to fall In love or was it?

by LeMayora



Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Twins, Brothers, Love Triangles, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2018-07-24 13:12:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7509741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeMayora/pseuds/LeMayora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being in love and being hurt is something that Hijikata did not know, that is until he met a certain perm bastard who made him feel all these confusing emotions. For three years Hijikata had hidden what he really felt for Gintoki until what chances left he got was stolen away by the person who he also cherished more than anything, but is he willing to sacrifice for their happiness? or would he fight for his feelings knowing there will be something bigger that will be ruined by this feelings </p>
<p>Sakata GintokixHijikata Toushirou and Tosshi highschool AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And so he ran away...

**Author's Note:**

> Hello welcome!  
> This is LeMayora here!  
> anyways this story is on my document for a long time now  
> i havent published it yet due to being busy but i will try to  
> update though i wont promise i will be that active.
> 
> This is a Highschool AU by the way, Gintoki and Hijikata and throw in the Otaku Tosshi.  
> hope you like it, there might be some typo errors that went un noticed by me but hopefully  
> ill fix it again.  
> Thanks and enjoy!

Hijikata Toshirou had sacrificed a lot for the people that he valued the most, but he didn't mind that as long as those people are happy and safe he can manage, he can be contented and happy. Its not a big deal for him of course the years of hardship and agony he went through during his childhood had shaped him to what he was now, strong, determined, responsible and brave. Though those attributes helped him to survive this harsh reality those are also the reason why he was mostly isolated and alone, he doesn't trust anyone aside from his older brother and his other younger brother. His world revolved around the both of them alone, so when his older brother died when he was 16 and only him and his younger brother was left, he immediately started thinking what will happen to them, his other brother was also ill and the medications are a little expensive and they didn't have any relatives in Edo. During those times he started looking for work, after school he goes to the police station to where his brother was previously working, luckily they hired him as an errand boy, cleaning the station, shredding the paper and sometimes delivering anything those cops' wants. But he was content with the work, the cops were also teaching him about a thing or two in their line of work which made him decide one thing.

He will be a cop

But the salary wasn't enough for both of them, considering the medications and all, they are lucky the house that their brother Tamegoro owed was also named on them so he didn't have to worry about rent or shit like that but he knew the money was not enough so after the championship game of baseball he told their coach that he would quit playing the game that he loved, he won't be able to attend on practice and handling two jobs required more time, so after school he goes to the station and later on his second job a waiter on a small café that opens at night. All in all his days are tiring but it gets blown away when he sees the dinner that was already prepared when he gets home, those dishes that was drenched with Mayonnaise makes him remember what his reason for working this hard.

It was the same routine, go to school, learn, meeting with student council, go to work, go home, sleep and the process repeating again and again, it was his every days and he can't help but jealous a bit when he sees those three friends talking and sharing amused laughs, well he do have friends. Kondo and Sougo but he wasn't sure about the latter who seemed to hate him as much as he can tell yeah. But ever since his brother died he had no time to come along with them and was focused on his work and school. Now this everyday routine was nothing new to him that's until he met a stupid perm asshole named Sakata Gintoki who broke his routine. The first time they met they both got a black eye a swelling cheek and split lip scratches and bruises, and also a detention that almost led to suspension for punching the guidance counselor. He already forgotten what they fought about but he knew he was the one who threw the first swing, something about this guy just makes him loose control and he hated it. The worst part was on his second year they became classmates and to even worsen the worst situation they are seatmate, HIjikata was truly furious and the other male seemed to enjoy grinding his gears, pushing his buttons and there will be no day that they wont fight that it had became a norm in the room.

It was around mid October when everything slowly started to change, he was walking home after buying his brother's medicine when he saw a girl from his school judging from her uniform and immediately identified it. It was the China girl, Kagura his classmate who came from china and studied here after his dad was reassigned here on his work.. observing the situation he looked at the group of guys that was dragging her towards a secluded alley and it wasn't Hijikata's position to probe into it but he cant just walk away so he slowly followed and realized what was happening. It was a gang dispute between his school and other school, apparently Kagura's brother Kamui if he remembered the name correctly was leading a gang in his school and was rumored to be one of the strongest, and this other school probably used China for threatening and bargain. But unfortunately the older brother had said "I don't care what you do to her.. I don't need weak people around me" with a sick smile and it angered Hijikata as he clenched his fist, one of the guy holding China was so angry for using her and deemed useless raised his bat down to the girl and Hijikata was ready to sprint forwards but a flying bokken went past him and straight to the man holding the bat. Hijikata looked to the left behind Kamui was GIntoki.

"Oi, oi using a girl as bait how weak are you? And a brother who doesn't give two shits about his sister, how disgusting are you?"

"Gin-chan!"

HIjikata heard the yell and blinked as he walked pass Kamui and his usually dead fish eyes shone with anger towards the smiling male, he almost forgot that Kagura and Gintoki along with that Megane boy was always together. The next thing Hijikata saw was Gintoki beating the shit out of those guys and Kamui leaving the area only to observe from afar as a new set of groups from different schools had gathered and Gintoki took them all but when Hijikata saw a knife aimed to the perm he sprint picked up the boken and swung it to the man, Gintoki seemed to be utterly surprised but pressed his back on Hijikata,. Kagura had ran away to call the police.

"Oh.. Oogushi-kun I thought you just gonna watch all day"

"tch, I was supposed too but it seems you have trouble beating these bastards … what? Feeling grateful im helpin?"

"pfft.. I can handle them all by myself I can even handle you, remember I beat you up be—ghwagh!" Hijikata raised his fist after punching the perm on the jaw and they all stood there in confusion and Gintoki blinked. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?!"

"QUIT BITCHIN' ABOUT THAT FIGHT IT IRRITATES ME!"

"IT IRRITATES YOU BECAUSE YOU LOSE FAIR AND SQUARE! WHAT CAN'T ACCEPT DEFEAT HUUUH?!"

"SHUT UP!" Hijikata yelled as he swung his fist but it went on the side of Gintoki's head knocking the person that was sneaking for attack he pushed the perm away "Ill deal with you later!" and that was the first fight that they both helped and protect eachother's back, it was almost over when the cops arrived, and everything was settled then. After that fight Hijikata realized that Gintoki isn't that bad, he came there for Kagura and when you look at it closely he was really.. something. Hijikata saw him giving his lunch on the homeless kid once, saw how he helped everyone in the room even though he complains but he still do even people he didn't know, no wonder he was known in the school nicknamed him as Yorozuya, some people pay him some don't and he was cool with it. They still argue over petty things but that's really normal.

it was then that Christmas when they are giving the presents for the people they picked that things escalated differntly. Hijikata had gotten Shinpachi's name on the paper he draw and gave him a Otsu merchandise luckily his brother was into those stuff that it became easy to pick out for a gift. He was a bit uneasy to find out who picked his name as he stood awkwardly on the middle of the class since they have to open it and show what they got after the sender explained why he gave that gift and blabla.. he waited until he heard a chair scrapping and his eyes widen.

Gintoki… was the one who got his name.

No wonder the bastard was laughing when they draw names on that basket! He gulped and glared at the perm as he stood beside Hijikata and the students laughed in irony of all people to pick up it were his name. blinking he heard GIntoki clear his throat as he showed small box and handed it to Hijikata non to gently, he practically shoved the thing on his chest and Hijikata scowled as he held it.

"Alright.. I really cant think of anything to give to the bastard, I was planning not giving anything at all but since Gin-san is so kind I had bought something. I bought this thinking that maybe this is what Hijikata-kun needs to cool down that high temper of his, something that could help him relax" he smirked and Hijikata instantly knew he was screwed and refused to open the box, but his teacher and his classmates was urging him and shouting "unfair! Unfair" so with gritting teeth he opened the box and looked at the contents blinking a bit before he finally realized what was the content, he was gripping the box so tightly he was shaking with anger and embarrassment as his classmates laugher filled the room and his face burned red in deep anger and humiliation he was seething and threw the box towards the perm spilling the contents which was condoms and a lube.

"YOU FUCKER! I WIL L KILL YOU DAMN STUPID BASTARD TRASH PERM!" he yelled as he chased after Gintoki that was laughing, the rest of his Christmas party ended up chasing Gintoki and beating him up until they flopped on the garden of the school panting. Gintoki was still laughing as he sat up with a black eye. "You really… ppfft anyways that was a joke"

"JOKE MY ASS! DO YOU HAVE ANY ID—" he stopped as he saw Gintoki extended his arms, his close fist was on his front and Hijikata opened his palm only to receive a small replica of the bottle of Mayonnaise he loved. It was a lighter.

"It was so easy to know what to give you but its hard to find it, I mean seriously you have no idea how I acquired that so you better not destroy it you ass"

HIjikata was at loss for words as he looked at the lighter and was about to say something and looked at the perm only to see him smiling at him and at that moment Hijikata realized something.

He was screwed.

He tripped.

He stumbled.

And he fell.

Hard and fast.

There and then.

He immediately stood up and glanced at the other as he held the lighter a small shade of red was on the tips of his ears as he muttered a small "thanks" and ran, he ran and ran to calm his heart that was beating so loudly. He shook his head as he tried to deny these feelings; he had no time for this! Why is he even feeling this?! How did it even happen?! He stopped as he reached outside the gate and looked at the lighter as he bit his bottom lip.

It was the start of January that Hijikata still refused and denied and did not acknowledged these feelings for Gintoki but as the days dragged by instead of lessening it even became stronger and harder, he started noticing things that he did not notice before, the way Gintoki laughs or pout, when he is upset or sleeping. Even the smallest gesture like picking his ear or nose which was unsanitary really but Hijikata did not mind anymore, when he drummed his finger on the table for not understanding the teacher, a scratch of head. GOD DAMN IT! Hijikata buried his face on his text book as he as he sulked. Is this it? The one that was on the books he read 'you will see a different world when you are in love'?! Because fuck! it was happening! Everything seemed to sparkle like shit and he can hear happy tunes along with the wind that wasn't there before, sometimes he can catch himself smiling a bit and he would be creeped out with himself because he doesn't smile! He was turned into a complete mess and even at work! work seemed less tiring and even his brother noticed this change of behavior saying he was such in a fine mood these past few weeks and would tease him if he already had a girlfriend or what. He raised his head and looked t the board before glancing at Gintoki that was staring at him and he felt the tip of his ear heat but maintained the scowl on his face. "What?!"

"Do you only have one setting on your face?"

"Ha?"

"Your frown…" GIntoki gestured at his own face "You frown a lot, Ive never seen you make any other expressions except from scowling or angry, do you even smile?"

"… its nothing to do with you!" he hissed and returned to look at the board as he frowned, glancing at Gintoki who seemed to focused on his notes now and Hijikata sighed. What Gintoki told him bothered him deeply, its not like he can't smile but he just chose not too… he cant even remember the last time that he had laughed wholeheartedly or smile without forcing himself to do so like what he usually does when he greets his brother, but lately this feelings are slowly started to swallow back the darkness he casted on himself and he was glad for it. Maybe it wasn't that bad to finally accept it, to just simply be swept away and not think at all, he glanced at the perm beside him that was slowly nodding to sleep and a small twitch of his lips he smiled and returned to look at the board.

Its not that bad… to fall in love.

It was their last year in school that Hijikata stopped by the roof top and puffed a smoke from his cigarette, his other hand holding the mayonnaise lighter as he looked down and saw Gintoki playing badminton with yamazaki and his crew eating under the tree, Kondo already graduated last year and Sougo had started hanging out with the yorozuya trio. Nothing much had changed, his relationship with Gintoki still the same, and they are still on the same class for three years and his feelings … still stayed the same. He cant count how many times he attempted to confess or be friends with Gintoki, but the fear of rejection made him bite his tongue back, made him step back. What if he confessed and Gintoki would be disgusted? Would he stay away ? would he even look at him? What if he was cool with it? Hijikata was full of doubts that he had spent his three years only looking and glancing at the man he love, but he was contented with that, it made him happy and that's okay.. it doesn't matter he would just remember it, cherish those moments even those arguments that they make, he will hold on them. He looked at the Mayonnaise lighter before blinking as he his phone rang, stubbing his cigarette and pocketing his lighter he picked up his phone and received a call from his brother's school and his eyes widen as he sprinted out of the roof top and out of the campus without any consent as he climbed the gates, who fuckin cares his brother had fainted again which is happening regularly. As he arrived on his school he immediately went to the nurse office and saw him lying on one of the bed and rushed to his side.

"Tosshi!"

On the bed was his brother…. His twin brother Tosshi, he was the younger between them and the one that is sick, he was very ill when they were kids and mostly stayed inside his room, the treatment on his was effective but later on just five years ago it started showing up again and it seemed to worsen. They decided to go to different schools to avoid confusion from people around them since they do look very much alike.

After the incident Hijikata decided its best to transfer Tosshi on his school so he could look after him at the same time can guide him around and he will be there when something happened, but this decision was maybe… one thing that Hijikata regretted, for what was about to happen had him unprepared when Tosshi and Gintoki met.

It was the end of August when Tosshi and Gintoki first met, Hijikata saw them on the hallways and Gintoki had this smug look on his face while backing Tosshi on the lockers who was already on the verge of crying before he spotted Hijikata and ran towards him. "Shirou!" he called out and hid behind him as he pointed at the perm "That guy is harassing me! I daresay! " Hijikata glared at Gintoki who looked so dumbfounded staring at the two of them as he pointed and face palmed.

"Christ! One Oogushi-kun is enough now you are adding one here? Oi, oi luckily that other one is more approachable"

"Fuck off bastard! Don't make fun of him!" he glared and dragged his brother out of the hallway, everybody was still shocked to find out he had a twin brother and specially the two of them are so different in every way. Tosshi was a fluff ball, friendly, approachable and talkative, he was a hyper and easily blend in to any crowd you put him in compared to him so the way people can tell them apart is their expressions. If you see a frowning one it was Toshirou and if you see a giddy one it was Tosshi, that's all you need. As they walked he glanced at Gintoki that was still looking at them and he returned his attention at Tosshi.

"Stay away from that bastard, he will make fun of you so get away from him" that was an honest warning of course knowing Gintoki but on the back of his mind there is this small voice that was nagging him, telling him that the two should not meet, that they should not be acquainted at all. Tosshi gave him a questioning look but didn't nod or shook his head and just followed him on the halls.

But that honest warning became a real warning and alarming on Hijikata as he saw the two eating on the cafeteria during break, he was up to smoke and when he came looking for his brother he paused on the doorway as he saw them discussing about JUMP since there was a open volume on their table and they seemed to have fun together that Hijikata was stoned on his feet, Gintoki was laughing as he pointed at the book and Tosshi seemed to get his point as he laughed as well, he clenched his fist when he saw Tosshi looking at him and waving towards him, Gintoki looked at him as well with his usual dead stare and he frowned turned his back away and left. He went back to the room and sat looking outside the window, that was nothing… it was nothing yes there nothing to be concerned about, they have the same interest so it was natural yes . but seeing them, he cant help but imagine for a momet that it was him on Tosshi's place but that would be impossible, blinking he saw Tosshi and Gintoki came inside the room and Tosshi went sat on his seat which was across him from the front. "Shirou! Why did you leave! I called for you"

"I wanted to go back early is all "

"Leave him be, he probably is doing his frowning ritual to scare everyone" Gintoki teased and Tosshi pouted as he reprimanded him.

"Sakata-shi! That's so mean quit it, I daresay!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY ASSHOLE!?" Hijikata quickly lunge at the perm and so it Gintoki who had a grin on his face before Tosshi joined in and placed himself between the two and tried to stop them "Stop it! Both of you are making some ruckus already! Sakata-shi! Shirou!"

They both parted from each other, Hijikata scowling and Gintoki grinning as he crossed his arms as he sat back on his seat. HIjikata did the same and Tosshi sighed in relief as he continued to babble about the latest issue of JUMP which Gintoki immediately answered and Hijkata looked out the window closed his eyes as he tried to ignore them. Days had passed and Tosshi's attack of troubled breathing and fainting happens during home or when they are together which was good, he didn't want him suffer anymore or worry the new friends that he made in this school he also requested not to spread the fact he was ill, he didn't want them to back away from him or treat him differently, but as days goes by Hijikata noticed that Tosshi is getting more close with Gintoki, to the point they go to breaks together since Hijiakata used the break as time to go up the rooftop and smoke but everytime he gets back he would see them together, Hijikata was starting to feel the small twinge of jealousy eat him up as he continued to observe them carefully even listened to Tosshi when he starts to talk about Gintoki when they walked back home and he seemed so very happy about that all Hijikata could do is grunt and nod as he listened trying to route his words to his right ear and past his left ear. As much as he hated hearing about what they are talking about Hijikata cant help but pay attention to some details as well like how Tosshi had said that Gintoki likes anything that had the flavor of strawberry which was a new information too him, he knew that he likes sweets but what Tosshi had told it was insane how he finished the super bowl of parfait. With this stories he had learmed more stuff about Gintoki he didn't know before and even though they seemed to be a good thing he was still doubtful about it. Because he can tell... He can see that there is something more between the two that he refuses to acknowledge, that he wanted to shrug off but no.. He knew, yes he knew soon something will happen, something so big he might break down.

Came November ...

Came December...

And it was the end of January when Hijikata was on the rooftop to smoke but was already heading down because he forgot his secret stash of cigarette on his locker and went back to retrieve it since he was so pissed this morning after a banter with Gintoki. sighing he reached his locker and went to grab two sticks of the nicotine that he liked the most and closed it. pocketing the cigarettes he was about to round the corner when he stopped on his tracks and his eyes widen at what he saw, this is not right, this should not be happening .. Hijikata felt like a cold water was poured over his entire being as he stood there on the hallway and saw his brother being hugged tightly by the man that he loved, and what hurts the most is his brother returned the hug as tightly as he could as he nuzzled into him. Hijikata suddenly took a step back and went to hide behind the lockers on his side as he leaned into it looking down as he clenched his fist and gritted his teeth, scolding himself not to cry as he glared at the ground, but pretending as he could his emotions break through him as he slid down the lockers and clutched his hair, trying to calm himself he stood up and ran but stopped as he almost collided with tge person he did not want to see at the moment. His eyes widen as he saw Gintoki who also looked at him with wide eyes, probably because of his glassy eyes as tears is threatening to escape.

"You... " he did not finish his words as Hijikata pushed pass him but stopped when a hand grabbed his arm to halt him.

"Oi! Wh-"

"LET GO OF ME! " he snarled and shrugged of his hold as he ran back to the roof top and leaned on the door after he bursting out and slid down as he started to sob. Fuckin feelings! Fuckin love! Fuckin heartbreaks! Its so damn frustrating, his chest hurts and he hated this feeling. It just.. Its..

"fuck! " he hissed and shakily lit a cigarette as he smoked.

He did not return to class after that, he cant bear it, he needed to calm down.

Laughing noises filled the round table as Sougo, Tosshi, Gintoki Otae and kondo was sharing on the same table while they are on lunch, he was seated beside Tosshi that was sitting next to Gintoki, beside him was Kondo and they were talking about a television show. Hijikata is not certain what it was he was just focusing on his food and glancing to the couple beside him from time to time, yes they were a couple, Tosshi had informed him last week when he saw them on the locker. He was just nodding at him as he told the stories and said he was not interested. Looking at them he blinked as he realized he had been starring at them for too long so he averted his gaze but just in time too meet Sougo's stare that was sitting next to gintoki, he was looking at Hijikata with pity as he shook his head and the raven haired male glared at him, Sougo immidiately smirked as if he did not make such look.

"What is wrong Hijikata-san? You keep on glaring like that, are you on your period"

Hijikata scowled "I dont have time to deal with your shits now Sougo" he hissed and stood up to leave and the group looked at him as he left, normally Sougo would get into an argument now but lately Hijikata seemed distant to them that they sometimes frequently see him in school, he skips classes and doesn't talk much to them. of course Hijikata did that in purpose he was still adjusting to see them together it still hurts like shit and he did not want to feel that way anymore, if there is only an easy way to remove all these feelings. but no it has to be such a huge pain in the ass to deal with everyday, thinking how would it feel if he was on Tosshi's position now. for all the pent up frustration and hiding his feelings for three years and seeing them like that.. actually he would not mind at all, he did not confessed so he had no rights to bitch about the situation he was in, it was okay.. it is... if only it was not Tosshi. if it was just one of Gintoki's admirers or some random woman and .. man, to think Gintoki was interested with men after all, if only he knew then maybe he could have confessed, yeah right if only he knew.. he did not even put an effort into talking with the man, he was such a fool by thinking secret glances and small interactions are enough, what a big slap to him.

Hijikata did all he could to distract himself, he studied, work, study, work. basically thats all he was doing, refusing any offers of going out with Kondo, with Tosshi or with anyone, excusing that he was busy, he got three jobs to maintain just so he can focus on it rather than seeing Tosshi ang Gintoki. of course the group had noticed this and started asking if he was okay, which he would reply as 'yes im fine' he excused that he need more money for Tosshi's medications and he knew that it was a pathetic excuse to use Tosshi's sickness for it and he knew that Tosshi had been worried about him and he knew he was such an ass for giving him a cold shoulder lately.

it was mid February when Hijikata's shift on the cafe ended early than usual, he was on a night shift and the boss closed the shop since his wife is on labor. it was 11:38 pm and his shift supposed to be finished at 1:00 am, he wanted to sleep early since there was an exam tomorrow. Upon opening the door he walked inside the house and frowned as he saw Tosshi still awake on the living room re watching his favorite anime, the sound of Tomoe as she fought was the only thing that can be heard on the silent living room until Hijikata broke it.

"Why are you still awake? its late, 's not good for your health"

Tosshi looked at him with a small pout before standing and pointed at the kitchen.

"i made a dinner for you, its cold but i can reheat it, I daresay"

"no need, im going to be bed and you should as well" Hijikata turned and was about to go upstairs but was stopped by the call of his name.

"Toushiro.."

Hijikata stopped and blinked, Tosshi rarely called him by his full name and lost his catch phrase and speech pattern, they did all the changes so people can recognize who is who.

"Are you angry at me?"

"No.'

"Did I do something to you?"

"No."

"Do you have a problem with me?"

"No."

"Then why are you being so cold to me? i rarely see you at school, i dont see you at home! its so lonely.. i go home and leave the house without you. i daresay"

"I dont wanna discuss this further, just go and rest" Hijikata continued to walk upstairs but Tosshi's hurried footsteps followed and his arm was yanked.

"NO! tell me whats wrong! i know something is bothering you! i can feel it, it hurts! just i dont know.. maybe its that thing twins have.. you know.. connection. when i get sick before you do too as well, and when im in pain you know it too. when you are happy i can feel that too! .. so Toushiro tell me.. tell me whats bothering you"

"stop..just, not now.. i dont need this now Tosshi.. please just.."

"No! we need to discuss this now! i dont want to see you hurt like this, i .."

Hijikata looked down as he gripped the wooden railing of the stairs as he listened to Tosshi, he did not need this, not now, he was tired, pissed . mixed feelings and he did not want to snap now, but the way Tosshi was pushing things now is..

".. you were okay before, it was just same as usual, so just tell me Toushiro, is it about school? my medications? .."

"no..just stop.."

".. am i a burden already? do i stress you? or.. this is about Gintoki?"

the small flinch and body language that Hijiikata made did not escaped Tosshi's eyes as he noticed, the look of being caught.

"So its about Gintoki.. why? do you hate him? we arent doing anything i swear, cant you accept us? Toushiro tell me! i am not talking to wall am i!?whats wrong with Gintoki?! whats wrong with me being with him? do you hate it that much you are avoiding me?! Toushiro tell me wh-"

"YES! I HATE IT! I HATE IT SO MUCH IT BURNS MY EYES SEEING THE BOTH OF YOU! " Damn... Hijikata thought as he snapped, his mouth wont stop talking and Tosshi was adding a fuel to his fire by answering back.

"Why the hell are you so against it! he is nice! you dont just ignore me just because you dont like who my lover is! you are being childish! "

"Shut up! you have no idea why! so dont! "

"Then why dont you tell me?!tell me why you hate that i am with Gintoki now that you are acting like this! tell me why so i would know! tell me why cant you accept i-"

"BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!"

two pairs of blue orbs widened, the brighter shade started wavering while the steel blue one remained firm.

"Toushiro I.. "

"Are you happy now?! the reason why i cant accept it, i cant bear to be with you and everyone, the reason why i wanna be byself until i cant feel anything when i see you both, i wanna be happy for you, i really do.. but i cant. i cant.. you always .. always .. everything ,, anyone. you are always the best , the nice one, everyone likes you.. you get all the credits, you are good at anything you do.. you get a lot of friends . i dont really mind.. " Hijikata gritted his teeth as he looked down and continued, he spilled his emotions and and everything that was on his heart, he never did confined nor tell all of this to anyone, he relies to himself alone and took all responsibilities. "... i thought it was okay, you get all the attention, the praises and whatever.. i dont really need them but then.. when you and the perm.. i thought its okay, it will be fine , just like the rest i have no need of it so i should never mind, but its.. i cant, it hurts so much seeing you together with him thinking that maybe i could be in your position instead, if i had known falling in love can be this hurtful i should have stopped it.. maybe its better if i had your sickness instead, no one would care if i- " SLAP!

Hijikata felt rather saw the slap that Tosshi made, the sound echoed in the apartment as he stared in Tosshi in belief, his cheek was red and Tosshi was on the verge of crying already.

"D-dont say something like that! i.. " he frowned and looked at the other male before storming pass him and went to his room, the loud slamming of the door echoed on the house and Hijikata clenched his fist before running back on the opposite direction and out of the house. running out without any direction to ease his mind.  
he should have not said that, he should have just kept it to himself. he is such an idiot! he ran and ran until he found himself on the park, slumping on one of the benches he covered his face with his hands as he groaned and grabbed his hair.  
he should have a better control of himself, shouting like that to Tosshi when it was not his fault and saying those awful things, he is such a bastard.

"Damn!"

he hissed and stood up he bought a cup of coffee and sighed, calming himself as he walked back home, he should really apologize.

he did not know how long he was standing on the doorway as he frowned, clutching the doorknob he went in and slowly made his way upstairs and knocked on his brother's room.

"Tosshi?"

No answer.

he knocked again harder this time before deciding to peek into the room, opening it he peeked inside the room and saw a bundle form on the bed, he scanned the area and sighed, how stupid it was already late course he will be asleep, he was about to close the door but paused and open it again, squinting at the table on the far end of the room his eyes widen.

Gone...

The limited Edition of Tomoe Figure that was supposed to be encased on the glass case is gone.. which means. turning the lights on he went to the bed grabbed the blanket and what he was was a Tomoe Dakikamura. he walked to the bathroom in panic. "Tosshi!" he called and opened the dresser only to see that there was less of clothes and re arranged stuff, like someone hurriedly packed.

then... did he.. ran away?!


	2. Chapter 2

Bzzz...

BBzzzz...

BBzzzzz...

"ngh...:"

Gintoki reached out for his phone and shoved it under the pillow, he did not bother turning off the alarm knowing that it will die down soon, but much to his annoyance the vibration and endless buzzing did not stop, which made him grab unto it and squinted at the screen illuminated on his face.

2:08 AM

Gintoki blinked, he was sure as hell he set the alarm at 6:00 AM, the vibration continued until he realized that it was actually a phone call, blinking he rolled on the side and stared at the unknown number, who ever this fucker is, he will beat the shit out of him tomorrow. he swiped and answered the call but before he could burst at the person on the other line a loud booming voice welcomed him.

"Tell Tosshi i will pick him up!"

"ha?"

"Dont 'ha' me! i said tell him i will pick him up! hand the phone over to him bastard!"

"...eh.. Ougu- ah Hijikata-kun?" Gintoki now was confused as he stared at the ceiling of his room, why the hell is Hijikata calling him and whats about Tosshi?

"Yes! you twat! dont hide Tosshi from me i will kill you!"

"What?! im having a beauty rest here and you call me this time of the day to yell profanities on my ear, talk about manners oi.. and Tosshi is not here.. hey are you panting?" he can hear Hijikata's ragged breathing on the other line which made him confused even more.

"... he aint there?"

"yeah.. wait what is going on?"

".. nothin" came a short reply and Gintoki furrowed his brows as he glanced at his phone

"Bullshit.. whats going on oi!? tell me. is it about Tosshi? what happened?"

"Its none of your business .."

"Another bullshit! of course it is! he is my business as well! " he blinked as he heard a crash on the other line "oi you okay.."

".. 'm fine sorry for yelling"

"tell me whats going on oi!"

"... Tosshi, he.. he is not home, i cant find him, i .. "

"Where are you now?" Gintoki suddenly found himself up and awake as he threw on some jeans and shirt and a jacket "ill come and see you, stay where you are"

Gintoki arrived at the park at 2:37 AM there are few people around and he immediately saw Hijikata sitting on the bench phone in hand, probably contacting Tosshi's friends, he can see the worry written all over his face as he approached him. "oi"

Hijikata looked up and blinked as he saw Gintoki approaching him, he sighed and continued to fiddle on his phone.

"What happened?"

"We fought. i said things..."

Gintoki looked at the other male as he scratched his head, Hijikata looked really depressed and he knew something was up with the guy since a couple of weeks ago, he rarely joins them or talk to him, and even if he tried to piss the other off, he rarely argues back, he kinda... missed it, the bantering and the arguing.

"mm.. what you two fought about? you two seemed to be so close to fought on something.. that he even left must be big huh?" Gintoki commented and blinked as he froze for a moment at the stare that Hijikata gave him, it was cold, sad.. mixed of emotions in those blue orbs before he looked away.

"Not important" he muttered before standing up and started walking "i called some of his friends but it seems he did not went there.. i tried to think of the possibilities as to where he might go.. but, tch damn it!" he groaned again and started to walk as he sighed. Gintoki observed him carefully as they walked, he had never seen Hijikata this distressed before and it bothered Gintoki a bit, well sure its a family dispute that he should not get involve too.

Gintoki halted as Hijikata stopped he almost collided with the bastard who was still looking at his phone, Gintoki was also doing the same contacting few people he knew that Tosshi talks to at the school. "Oi say something when you stop walking like that!" blinking he peeked through Hijikata's shoulder and frowned, he can practically see the could of depression hanging above him.

"Look here oi, think of someone that Tosshi knows a lot and would be the first person he can approach too?"

"... Kondo" Hijikata muttered before shaking his head "No, he would know i will figure out he was there besides i already called Kondo and he said that he did not hear from him"

"Anyone aside from Kondo? like a person he knew you wont bother to call or think that he was there, like someone he is friend with that you hate like So-' he stopped and Hijikata looked at him with wide eyes and so was he as the person's name popped through their head.

"SOUGO!"  
"SOUICHIRO!"

Hijikata immediately fished his phone, true Hijikata must have not contacted Sougo all this time knowing the relationship between the two. and suddenly as if on cue, as if Okita had some paranormal psychic powers Hijikata's phone buzzed as an incoming call from Okita was on the screen, Hijikata without hesitation answered the call.

"Sougo!"

"calm down Hijiakata.. Tosshi is here, he is asleep already after crying for hours.. sheesh i need a payment for baby sitting your brother, it took all my will power not to hit him since you really do look like him"

Sougo's voice echoes on the receiver as Gintoki pressed his ear on the other's phone as two of them listened.

"you!..." Hijikata sighed, a very deep and long sigh of relief as he rubbed his forehead. "ill pick him up tomorrow"

"No, he refused.. he said he will stay here for the time being"

"tch .. just ..- "

"OI make sure not to harass him Soichirou!"

The line went silent for a while and Gintoki thought that it disconnected until he spoke again

"...So Boss is with you huh?"

"Well the bastard started screaming in my phone to return his brother , its worse than having the battle cry of Hiroshima as an alarm clock at 2 am in the morning" Gintoki interjected and Hijikata keeps pushing him away from the phone.

"Okay.. ill just call tomorrow, as long as i know where he is thats good"

"Alright and oh Hijikata... you are such a bastard"

and with that the line went dead, Gintoki saw Hijikata pocketing his mobile and grabbed a cigarette on his pocket as he smoked. "you can go home now, sorry for disturbing you " and with that he started to walk away but for some reason Gintoki reached out and grabbed his wrist stopping him.

what the hell?!

He thought as he stared at Hijikata who looked at him confused, now Gintoki is questioning himself as to why he stopped him. he wanted to ask him, ever since he saw him on the lockers a month ago, the look on his face that day is still lingering on his mind and he wanted to know why... but he just stared at him.

"What?"

Gintoki slowly looked at him and smiled "Dont worry, he will be fine there , stop frowning too much oi, he is safe " Gintoki blinked as Hijikata yanked his hand away and started walking away in a fast pace.

IDIOT!

THAT FUCKIN! GOD DAMN STUPID PERM!

Hijikata hissed as he walked away, he wont deny that his heart did a weird flip when he smiled at him earlier. what the fuck is this bastard doing to him, when he was supposed to be trying to forget about the perm and here he was just held his wrist and fuckin smiled at him and like a hard slap in the face he was back with this stupid feelings again.

At least now he knew that Tosshi is safe and that what matters, he and Sougo might be in a bad terms but his brother and that sadist is actually good friends. he ran his hand on his hair as he walked inside their house and he flopped on the couch and sighed as he slowly fell asleep.

The next morning the tension between the Hijikata twins was so strong that most people in the room noticed it, Hijikata was pissy, scratch pissy.. he was a ticking bomb. Tosshi on the other hand is still the same except he was not talking to his brother and vice versa. Hijikata now found himself seated on their usual seat at the cafeteria, he was not supposed to be here but Kondo had dragged him out before he can escape. the tension was so strong that neither talked, the table was silent and everyone was waiting for someone who would break the ice and that happened to be Kondo.

"W-well the exam was such struggle how did you guys got by?"

"Just okay, not that easy not that hard either" Sougo answered as he sipped his soda and started munching his burger, Gintoki cleared his throat and smirked.

"Well, be surprised or not im quite confident with my score"

Hijikata snorted and grabbed his Mayonnaise covered toast and ate.

"What are you snorting about Mayo price?!"

"The hell you callin' Mayo prince you sugar freak!"

"Dont be jealous because Gin-san had been pretty confident on his exam results, oi oi wanna bet huh? " Gintoki taunted as he leaned on the counter towards Hijikata.

"Boss are you sure about that? Hijikata here did not rank as the top lister just cause he was sucking a bottle of mayonnaise a day.. or was he?"

"What the fuck did y-"

"now now Ougushi-kun calm down your veins are about to explode"

"Do you wanna start a fight assho-"

He was again cut off when a loud screeching was heard, Tosshi stood up and looked at them before Kondo stood up as well and groped his crotch as he excused himself. "bathroom, bathroom" he chanted and dashed out of the cafeteria their attention when back to Tosshi.

"The crepe is really good, I daresay! who wants some?"

"i want seconds! " Gintoki proclaimed

"Kondo said earlier he wanted one too.. ah let me try that as well" Sougo said as he set his soda down and lazily flipped his phone open.

"Okay! four orders then, I daresay" he nodded, completely disregarding Hijikata.

"let me help you with that" Gintoki stood up and escorted Tosshi towards the crepe stand on the cafeteria, the two walked side by side and was talking, Tosshi giggling at something that Gintoki whispered on him and Hijikata stared at them as they walked away. no matter how Hijikata look at them, they look so perfect and so compatible, the bubble of jealousy is starting to eat him again as he stared at them, longing, trying to reach out but he knew he and Gintoki will never be together, they always clash, argue, bicker, he was not even sure if Gintoki considered him a friend when they did not even get to talk to eachother without any fist involve, except last night.

"Hijikata your eyes is goin to budge out" Sougo said not sparing a single glance at him as he continued to keep texting, Hijikata frowned and was about to counter 'am not' but he realized Sougo might already knew the reason of their fight, Tosshi must have said something. he was weighing his options, he knew just one word he could say will be a fatal grave when he was talking with this rascal.

"If you are wondering if i knew the reason why you two fought, my answer would be yes"

Hijikata flinched and looked away as he stared at the empty can of coke was the most amazing thing that he ever saw. he can feel Sougo's burning gaze on his head and he refused to look at him of all people to know why him?! Tosshi should have went to his other friends and yap about this.

"And to clear things from you, Tosshi did not say anything to me at all, i already knew about your love sickness towards Boss"

Hijiakata looked at him with wide eyes as he blinked, how the fuck did this rascal even knew about that!?

"whats with the shock expression Hijikata? it was like really obvious you had a thing for boss. you look like a love struck girl when you are looking at him in far distance. "

"What the fuck thats creepy!"

"Do you think of Boss when you masturba-" Sougo did not finish his sentence as a hand was slapped over his mouth, Hijikata's hand and his face was crossing beyond embarrassment and anger, Sougo slowly removed his hand as he sighed. "Im not sure if i want to kill you or rather see you suffer like this, either way is fine though.. but on a serious note Hijikata... what are you goin to do now?" he looked straight to behind Hijikata and the other male turned to see that Gintoki and Tosshi walking back to their table. Hijikata frowned and stood up gathered his soda and left the cafeteria, now was he that obvious? well he was trying to give Gintoki a sign sometimes.. what did he do so far?

Ah right he once gave Gintoki a strawberry candy, the bastard started to tease him that he finally grew a heart and continued babbling, he got to embarrassed that he punched him in the jaw and stepped on the candy that he gave before stomping out the room, he was really awful at flirting.. what is flirting even?!

"This is indeed a good crepe! damn is this a new stand or some sort?" Gnintoki said as he shove mouthful of parfait. Tosshi giggled beside him and they started to chat, they all ate the crepe and Hijikata want to leave so badly, Kondo had not return from the bathroom, suddenly his thoughts were stopped as he saw Sougo stood up and looked at Gintoki.

"Boss, we still had a club activity right?"

"Ha? we do?"

Sougo gave Gintoki a look which motioned towards the twins and Gintoki immediately understood as he stood up "Oh yeah shit i forgot, lets go!"

Tosshi blinked as he looked at the two "What club activity?"

"Uh.. well the um.. S club!"

"There is a club like that? what does that club do?"

"Its something that is not suited for you, anyways boss lets go" Sougo grabbed Gintoki as they left the cafeteria.

"tch.. what a lame excuse" Hijikata sighed as he looked at his soda and then to Tosshi who did not say anything as well and just sat across him finishing his crepe, the silence was so unnerving that it started to bother Hijikata this silent treatment is the worse he sighed and he was about to leave when he heard Tosshi spoke.

"Im not ... giving up..."

"huh?"

"I said.. im not giving Gintoki up"

"..."

"I know you had done a lot and sacrificed a lot of things for me, and im always grateful for that, i would do anythin for you as well you know but.. this.. i apologize in advance Toshi-nii call me selfish but i aint going to give up Gintoki"

Hijikata looked at Tosshi and those bright blue eyes, this is the first time that he had stood up for something, he normally follow Hijikata around and do what he says and stays silent most of the time when its decision making, but now that determination and riding his usual catch phrase and formality that he sounded just like him, he was somewhat happy? that his brother is able to stood for himself at the same time sad that it had to be this way.

"Im not planning on interferin' on the both of you.. " he murmured and sighed as he pressed his face on his palm "Thats why im avoiding you two.. because.. i dont want to interfere, i want you two to be happy and it seems you are so im good with that, the two of you are important to me, i love you both but i dont want to choose either.. thats why, this is for the better. just forget what we argued about , take care ill be waiting for you at home " he stood up and reached out to pat Tosshi's head as he left the cafeteria.

"This is worse.. the two of them should just make it up seriously" Sougo said as he and Gintoki walked back to the classroom after leaving the two together. Gintoki shrugged as he sighed as he frowned.

"is that the first time they argued like that?"

"No"

"so they argued like that before?"

"No.. its not they argued 'like' that .. they never argued.. or got into a fight ever" Sougo tilted his head to the side a bit a he start to think "Yup never'

"Woah normally siblings are at each others throat .. especially twins i supposed"

"well, the two of them are completely one.. get my drift? they fill each others gap, they support each other, they have strong bond probably because they grew up in a pretty bad household"

"oh?"

"their mother left them, they grew up to a abusive father, Hijikata-san protecting Tosshi, and ended up stabbing his father, their elder brother found out whats happening took care of them but died when they are 14 so Hijikata-san the one working like crazy to feed both of them"

"i see.. if that the case then. i wonder what the reason of their fight, do you think its something big " he rubbed his chin as he frowned trying to thinking of possible reasons for the fight.

"... yeah i wonder what the reason is" Sougo gave him a side glance and Gintoki raised a brow at how the other was looking at him

"what?"

"i did not know you are that dense boss"

"ha? what do you mean by that? oi Okita-kun!"

"... you should have realized it by now.. the reason why they fought, you of all people should know, even though i wanted to torment Hijikata-san i think for this one its not my position to say anything ... ah its much better observing on the sidelines, well ill be going now" Sougo waved as he walked and Gintoki was left baffled as he looked at him

"cant you at least give me a clue'

"Did not take you for a gossip girl, boss"

"i wanna help the two idiots make up so throw a pinch of kindness to Gin-san here "

"very well.. now boss what do usually sibling fought for?"

Gintoki hummed as he looked at the other as he crossed his arms "stuff..like um probably who ate the last slice of pizza, or who touched things thats not them.. ugh i dont have siblings so i really cant relate although i always had Zura and Takasugi and we normally fight for trivial things like the last piece of mochi"

"mm.. almost there but you are missing the point boss among those examples there is one thing in common "

"huh?"

"Siblings usually fight when they want the same thing"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally updating this!! for like i cant remember when was the last time i wrote for this story!!  
> thanks for still reading it and yes i will finish this! for sure! 
> 
> please enjoy ^^

The sun was slowly setting down and the breeze felt nice on his skin, however his mind was all rumbled, he didn’t know what to think or what to do, he moved back to the house two days ago but things between him and Toushiro is still  a bit tensed, it wasn’t like that before and it bothered him, he wasn’t used to it, they didn't argue before, small bickering like normal siblings but it wasn't this big and he felt really bothered knowing the fact that the person his dear brother loves is beside him right now who happened to be in a relationship with him. He was looking down and continued walking, his mind was blank but his body is moving automatically alongside Gintoki.

“Tosshi?.. oi Tosshi “ Gintoki elbowed him lightly as they stopped walking and Tosshi flinched as he looked at GIntoki and blinked.

“Mm yes? What?”

“Are you listening to me?” he asked, a bit worried and a small frown showing on his features, Tosshi felt guilty and his throat felt dry as he tried to speak, but he knew even if he denies it Gintoki will still be able to figure that out.

“uh well.. not much I daresay… im sorry” he murmured and looked at the other.

“What’s wrong?”

Tosshi looked at Gintoki for a moment contemplating what to do or say, he looked away and then sighed, this is really bugging him ever since and he wanted to let it out.

“Say… Gintoki.. do you think im being selfish?”

“that depends”

“Well you see.. erm I have this reeaaaally  close friend who saw a very rare figure item for Tomoe-chan and he was really in love with it but he didn’t have the money to buy it yet so he just observed it until the time he was ready to purchase it… then I saw that figure item and fell in love with it… I bought the item and I didn’t know that it was precious to him and I just recently found out, now we kinda in a cold shoulder and I don’t know what to feel, I cant let go of that item either cause I really love it..”

“Can’t he like just order a new one?”

“It’s a rare figure! One product only I daresay!”

“hmmm…” Gintoki rubbed his chin and as they continued walking again he was following him looking at the other, he knew it was terrible to compare Gintoki into an item but he had no other way or options to reveal the situation without giving too much information as well “I think.. you aren’t at fault, first of all you didn’t know that he had an interest on that item already, besides it might be kind of his fault for not buying it or making a reservations for it “

“… yeah” that still didn’t give him any relief at all, he blinked as Gintoki stopped and ruffled his head which made him flush a bit. “..”

“Don’t think too much about it okay? You didn’t know he likes it and I believe if you knew you probably won’t buy it right? It’s a matter of knowing and not knowing so cheer up”

“Gintoki..”

“I’d like to see that smile on your face okay?” he brushed his knuckles at his cheek and Tosshi felt his insides flipped turned upside down and he just smiled back at him .

“Well.. I’ll be going now”

“yeah”

“Bye” He waved at Gintoki as they parted ways but stopped when he felt the tight hold on his arm and Gintoki leaning in to kiss him which at first surprised him but soon returned the kiss and he giggled before turning and started walking towards the direction of their apartment.

GIntoki watched him as he walked away and shook his head a small smile lingering on his features, it’s really weird how Tosshi could make him feel like a helpless fool that was head over heels, shaking his head he turned and stopped as he saw Hijikata standing a few feet away from him, he must have saw them together, composing himself he shrugged and waved.

“Yo, Hijikata-kun”

Hiikata ignored him as he continued walking and walked pass him before he flinched and turned around to grab his arm . “ah wait Hijikata-kun!”

“what?!”

“Hey don’t be too pissy, I forgot that I have Tosshi’s notebook, I was supposed to return it to him”

“Arent you two together just now?” he raised a brow and just stood there, he was trying to control his heart beating too much as Gintoki held his arm still and as much as he wanted that touch to linger he shrugged his arm and Gintoki let go of him and started to dig on his bag and handed him the notebook with some Tomoe stickers on it.

“Yeah, I just forgot, I mean we talked a lot and it slipped off my mind” he shrugged.

Hijikata looked at him as he took the notebook and looked at it then frowned, well he did see them earlier, he just froze when he saw how they parted, and that smile on GIntoki’s face as he waved goodbye to his brother it warmed his heart seeing that smile at the same time heard it break. He did his best though to look normal like nothing was a miss but damn it Gintoki had to stop him when he wanted nothing to do with him.

“Earth to Hijikata-kun?” Gintoki waived his hand in front of Hijikata and his face is a bit close that HIjikata backed step and glared.

“What?!”

“Woah don’t snarl you just kinda spaced out back there” he clicked his tongue and sighed “why so tensed? Im not asking for your kidney ya know”

“Shut up! Scram!” he turned around and started walking towards the direction of their house and tried to calm himself and the small flush on his cheeks. Why, why must he endure this shit?! Its not fair its not… he growled and started to run but he halted as he saw Tosshi’s back that was walking back to their house, there was even a skip on his walk and he frowned even further, his intent must have been too obvious or its just the twin connection they had that made Tosshi turn back and looked at him.

“Shirou..” he murmured and stopped on his tracks until Hijikata caught up to him,  they stood there for a long time before Hijikata handed him his notebook.

“The perm forgot to return this”

“oh.. uh you saw him?”

“yeah” he started walking and Tosshi followed him as they walked side by side he started to dig something from his bag and handed a small paper bag to Tosshi “Here, your medicines you should not skip one of them understand? Also we have a appointment tomorrow to the doctor’s so make it free”

“mmm thanks, oh did you eat already?”

“not yet”

“ill cook! “

“okay.. ill be out after three hours, my shift started from then” he said as they arrived he took out his keys and opened the door letting Tosshi in he shut the front door close and removed his shoes before going inside further, he immediately went upstairs as Tosshi went to the kitchen to prepare food, dumping his bag and changing from his school uniform he looked at himself in the mirror and frowned.

“Forget it, forget it…” he mumbled to himself before he grabbed another bag that was already prepared for his work and trudged downstairs, he went to the kitchen to help Tosshi. As they worked together in silence like how they normally do, no need for words as they knew what each other needed and they worked in sync without any problems and within a matter of few minutes they both finished and was sitting on the dining table sharing food and small conversation. They talked about random stuff mostly Tosshi blabbering out but Hijikata noticed that the other did not even bring up Gintoki in the conversation unlike before which its all about Gintoki , he realized that Tosshi was probably avoiding the topic about Gintoki considering his feelings and Hijikata appreciate that greatly, he didnt want to be in bad terms with his brother just because of a man, and as much as he love GIntoki, Tosshi is still his first priority though Hijikata cant help but wonder if Gintoki knew about Tosshi's condition so that sturdy topic was brought up by Hijikata and he was the first one to break that as he spoke.

“Tosshi… when are you planning to tell him?”

At that question, Tosshi stilled he knew what his older brother mean yet he still asked. “What do you mean, I daresay?”

“you know what I mean.. “ Hijikata gave him a hard stare before sighing “don’t you think he deserves to know? You two are always together at least if he knew about your condition he wont freak out and will know what to do when you get those sudden attacks”

“… ill tell it but not now.. im still feeling fine”

“okay..” Hijikata wanted to further the conversation but the look on Tosshi's face and this feeling of dread he decided to drop it 

Hijikata looked at Tosshi who gave him a look that he knew so well and that means to just let it go so they dropped the subject as fast as how it started.

.

.

.

.

.

.

“Huh?!”

“Star Gazing camp, of course HIjikata-san is not invited” Sougo said as he smirked

“Yes! Please! Please Shiro! Lets go!” Tosshi pleaded him as they all sat in the same table at the school pantry, while in the middle of lunch Sougo arrived with pamphlets and showed them a camp site where said the meteor shower would be clearly seen. And they are all hyped about the idea except Hijikata who sat there looking at their excited faces.

“ No you cant go”

“WHYY???” he wailed and literally clung on Hijikata’s arm and Hijikata gave him a hard stare, Tosshi immediately understood, he was not allowed to go outside for a long time and specially a camping where he would easily get tired and probably would trigger a sudden heart attack. But he wanted to go so bad, he wanna see the meteor shower, Hijikata got what his younger sibling thought and he sighed.

“ I know you wanna go, lets just watch from the house its the same shit you will see anyways “

“but—“

“Oi Oogushi-kun what seems to be your problem you are so hard on your brother” Tosshi stopped as he felt Gintoki slid an arm around his shoulder which Hijikata eyed with dread before looking away

“Its none of your business he cant go!”

“what’s with you! If you got a stick up yer ass better not involve Tosshi on it . “

“What did you say!?”

Before a fight breaks down Kondo stood in between, “well well how about you go with us  as well Toshi! All together and you can watch over your brother as well right?”

Hijikata paused for a moment as he looked at the them, he really did not want to go first camping is no good for Tosshi’s heart condition second, he didn’t want to hang out with him and Gintoki in one vicity what more a camping but the look on Tosshi’s eyes… he never did experienced  camping before and it sounds fun… perhaps..

  
“Fine.. but! You tell me when you ..” he glanced at Gintoki and he remembered that he is the only person in the table who didn’t know that Tosshi is sick so he mouthed at his younger brother “…if you feel something kay?”

“AAA!  Thank you!” Tosshi threw his arms around his neck and excitedly chattered to Gintoki and the rest on what he should bring, and Hijikata smiled  a bit seeing his excited brother but his smile was short lived when he saw Gintoki looking at him a bit surprised to see him smiling and Hijikata felt his cheeks grow hot and immediately looked away reaching out for his drink and sipping it in one go.

What the hel!? He was caught off guard with that and he glanced back at Gintoki who smiled at him before looking at Tosshi his arms around his shoulder and Hijikata frowned before looking at his food, he should stop feeling this and concentrate to other things.

Well a camping might be a good distraction

 

Or so he thought..

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hijikata and the rest went on camping to watch a meteor shower, a terrifying experience led one thing to another and this is where things started to take turn for both Hijikata and Gintoki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you so much for the feedbacks i was really happy you liked this story and someone is actually reading it, i updated as fast as i could, i hope you will like it, if you have suggestions and such please feel free to do so. Ill follow up on unsure once i get the desired ending i want cause its almost finish so ill update this and the accident fic for a while. 
> 
> Enjoy reading!

“Did you pack everything up?”

“Yup!”

“jackets? Extra scarf?”

“yes”

“your meds?”

“yes”

“How about water? “

“got it”

“your jacket? Also bring some blankets and did I mention your meds”

“Yes, yes and yes mom”

Hijikata frowned and looked at his brother with a bit annoyed stare as he called him ‘mom’  and Tosshi was sitting on the bed looking back at him with a smirk before giggling “geez.. you are like a mom Shirou.. we are having a sleep over not a 3 day camp you know, and I should be packing my bag”

“I know and I know how cold the weather is today is outside” he shoved the bottle of water on the bag and handed it to Tosshi as he frowned. “just making sure, sides there will be more Tomoe stuff in the bag than the actual important things if you are the one packin them”

“mou.. you are no fun … but yes, yes don’t worry okay” Tosshi stood and hugged him from behind with a grin “we can always warm up each other anyways”

Hijikata squirmed and frowned even more “stop that its awkward, we aren’t kids anymore and your boyfriend is there to warm you up “ the words flowed naturally on him he was surprised that there was no bitterness when he spat it but he was too busy getting away from Tosshi’s hold to notice what he said. Tosshi on the other hand slowly loosen his hold on his brother and looked at him as he packed his own bag. The silence was between them once the words sunk into them and Hijikata almost cursed as he realized what he actually said. He was the one who brought up a forbidden topic and now, his head snapped up as he heard the doorbell and he zipped up his bag “I’ll get it, go get your shoes on and we will leave its probably them”

Tosshi nodded and went to his own room and Hijikata went down, he opened the door and Gintoki was standing there with his jacket and bag the sunset was illuminating some of his features and damn Hijikata’s heart almost leaped out of his rib cage as the other smiled at him. They looked at each other for a moment and Gintoki’s lips slowly turned into a straight line as they stared, Hijikata kept a blank face and frowned. 

“Considering that you aren’t jumping at me and that frown on your face, it’s Ougushi-kun”

“tch, how come you still get confused with us”

“at first cause you didn’t make any facial expressions but as soon those brows started to meet it could only be Ougushi-kun, who else could have their lips turn upside down in 5 seconds flat?” 

Hijikata shut the door and before it completely closed Gintoki was able to put his hands and feet in between and pushed back.

“I was joking! Come on!”

“You asshole! Come back when you have some fuckin manners!”

“Talk about manners! Cursing  at a visitor!”

Tosshi went down and heard the commotion, he saw Hijikata trying to shut the door while Gintoki on the other hand was pushing it back and they are bantering as usual. “What’s going on , I daresay?”

“Tosshi!! Your Nee-san is being mean to me!!”

“did you just call me Nee-san?! You ba—ugh!” he didn’t finish his words as the force coming from the other side of the door doubled and he stumbled back when the door was finally open and Okita was there helping Gintoki to push the door. 

“What are you guys taking too long? Kondo-san is in the car waiting “ 

Gintoki immediately went to Tosshi and they went out of the door, Sougo followed and last was Hijikata who locked the door and went towards the car where Kondo was on the driver’s seat waving at them. 

“China is not here?” He asked Sougo who just shrugged. 

“Her dad didn’t permit her” Sougo answered and Hijikata saw Tosshi and Gintoki went to the backseat and Sougo making his was on the passenger seat and Hijikata froze, the other seat left is in the backseat along with those two and by all means… by all means no way he will be sitting close to them so he immediately grabbed Sougo’s arm and yanked him before he can open the passenger seat as the two lovers went and settled on the back. 

“switch seats with me”

Sougo looked at him for a moment then to the two and smirked, HIjikata did not like it one bit “Eh? Why?”

“just switch with me” the bastard was testing him, he knew exactly why he didnt want to sit there! 

“I don’t want to be a third wheel there”

“so do i!”

Sougo reconsidered for a moment, he shrugged and blinked when Gintoki rolled the window down and poked his head “Whats wrong with you two? Come on”

Sougo sighed and looked at Hijikata before walking towards the back. “Just for this once” he opened the door and went inside he as sat beside Gintoki and Hijikata sat on the passenger’s seat where Kondo was and sighed , good thing Sougo agreed to change seats with him or else he didn’t know what to do if he was there and it would be reaaaaaally awkward.

“Alright! Let’s go!”

Kondo announced and they all went, the ride a bit long an hour or so and while in there he decided to put his ear phones and played some music trying to tone down the noises that they were making, he kept glancing at them and now Tosshi was asleep leaning against Gintoki’s broad shoulder and he looked away, he decided not to look back anymore. 

As they arrived the space was not that big, they set up tents and Sougo went to get some additional sticks, Hijikata wore his dark blue jacket with some stripes and shuddered, it was getting cold already , he was setting up the tent when he felt hands around his waist and pulled him close Hijikata’s eyes widen as he jumped in surprised and looked back to see Gintoki who immediately let go of him. 

“Fuck I thought you are Tosshi! The hell you guys wearing the same jacket!”

“huh?”

And to answer his question Tosshi arrived wearing the same jacket only his had a lighter color than his, and he sighed these jackets were given by Tamegoro before and they had kept  it though HIjikata didn’t remember packing this on Tosshi’s bag.

“AA! You wore the jacket too , I daresay!” Tosshi pointed at him.

“I didn’t know you decided to change the jacket I packed for you so I bought this!”

“Its my favourite!”

“So do i!” he sighed and shook his head “Never mind I’ll just take this off to avoid confusion” he was about to remove his jacket but Tosshi stopped him. 

“no! no its okay you don’t have to do that! Its on different colors anyways! Besides isn’t it fun to confuse them? We used to do that before with Tamegoro-nii “

“yeah but we get busted without any  single glance and we aint kids no more”

“You can always be a kid at heart , this is why you look like you are gonna burst some veins and scare kids away.. learn to have fun geez” Gintoki commented and slid his hand around Tosshi’s waist and Hijikata frowned at that. 

“Why do you care tch” he turned around and went back to fixing his tent, he had to look away, remembering those hands around his waist earlier, he didn’t know what to react  even though it was only by mistake he was a bit thankful, he can be happy those small contacts, its okay it was enough he can get through it he was happy with it but of course the pain of seeing them together is much more prominent, his thoughts were suddenly halted as he heard a crash, his head flicked towards the direction where it come from and so did Gintoki and Tosshi. 

“What’s that, I daresay?”

“i-im not sure” Gintoki murmured and laughed nervously “haha there m-might be someone camping on the other side too”

“Guys did you hear that!” Kondo started, rushing towards them and looked up as they heard the sound of some crows and the wind picking up. Hijikata shuddered and pulled his jacket closer. But almost jumped when a loud thud was heard  and the light coming from their bon fire died down, Gintoki let go of Tosshi as he went to get his bag to retrieve some flashlight. 

“could it be… a ghost?” Tosshi asked and HIjikata’s hair stood and he fidgeted.

“w-wha!? Don’t say something like that!”

“What are you scared?” Gintoki smirked and purposely turned his flashlight on Hijikata’s direction right on his face and the latter winced and closed his eyes.,

“You bastard wanna fight now?! “ they both froze as a tree branch fell off their direction and they let out a loud gasp. “W-what the hell is going on here?!”

“I-I don’t know!”

“This is is a bit scary” Tosshi murmured and as they waited a rustling was heard and suddenly a woman in red dress appeared and screamed she looked so pale and had some blood on her face. The group screamed and they ran into eachother  but Gintoki freaked out so bad he dashed out of the place and grabbed Tosshi, they both ran and was screaming. 

Fuck that shit! Whatever it was! Fuck it he won’t be back there to look at that thing!!

 

“HAHAHAHAHA!!!” 

“You guys!” Kondo blinked he fell on his ass when the said ghost appeared and now that the shock was over he realized who was standing there laughing, it was okita and Kagura who was in a red dress and had some red substance on her cheeks, Okita was turning on and off a flashlight under her chin. 

“I knew it will work out “ Sougo chuckled and Kagura doubled up as she laughed, she was wheezing and cant even speak properly. 

“That’s not even nice!” The raven haired male sighed as he looked around, looking for the two people that were not with them at the moment. 

“Gin.. Gin-chan’s face! Epic!” Kagura shook her head “This is one thing im only agreeing doing with you sadist!” 

“Yeah sorry, I went to pick China down and we decided to prank you guys, those two must have really freaked out… “ Sougo looked at the raven haired male who shook his head. 

“So.. where is Gin-chan and the mayora?” Kagura asked and Tosshi looked at them before looking around biting his lower lip. 

.

.

.

“Wa-wait!  Slow down!” 

Hijikata looked at GIntoki who was dragging him further into the woods, when that thing appeared he freaked out and didn’t know what to do, and he almost fell as he backed away but when GIntoki grabbed his hand to ran he did as well mainly to get the hell out of there but as soon as the shock and situation finally sank into his mind he finally realized that Gintoki was holding his hand as they ran and he wanted to let go, he did! its not right but these stolen moments is all he got. As they slowed down GIntoki let go of his hands and he bent down placing it on his knees as he tried to catch his breath he looked up at the other who was doing the same thing and he took a deep breath ready to nag at the perm bastard who was coming close to him.

“You! What do you th—mnf?!”

He froze, his eyes widen and his body shuddered and he held his breath when Gintoki grabbed his arms and kissed him, yes.. he fucking kissed him! And he was too shock to function at the moment, his stomach flipped and his heart racing so fast and he closed his eyes responding into the kiss eagerly, his mouth parted for Gintoki to invade and he clung to him the kiss was heated and he felt Gintoki suddenly stiffen and he blinked before shoving him away he took a couple of steps backwards, this is not right, no matter how good it felt and how nice Gintoki’s lips felt this is still not right. GIntoki stood there and observed him and he could not help but flushed even redder. 

“… Ougushi-kun..” 

Gintoki stood there, fuck… fuck .. fuck it all, at the midst of chaos earlier he grabbed Hijikata and not Tosshi, when his mind was already clear he halted to catch his breath and to kiss his lover who he was so eagerly wanted to kiss since they arrived but none of that happened because Tosshi doesn’t like doing it when there are people so he took the opportunity to steal one from him today but.. as soon as he registered the smell and faint traces of tobacco he realized his mistake and who he was actually making out but what surprised him even more is Hijikata kissed him back, quite eagerly and so passionate it was different when he kisses Tosshi, Tosshi was sweet and slow Hijikata was eager, hard… too much desire and GIntoki was left speechless after that, he didn’t know whether he would push him away and continue but he would have done the latter by how Hijikata was kissing him but good thing he was being pushed away . 

“look I—“

“It’s okay, im sorry as well” 

Gintoki frowned, Hijikata looked so.. so guilty and this look that he cant describe it was the same look he saw him back in the lockers that was still embedded on his mind. He looked vulnerable now, ashamed and full of regret, he didn’t like seeing him this way. 

“No really, It was my fault for dragging you out here so yeah “

Okay. So it was awkward now, they stood there and HIjikata cleared his throat as he looked around. He should wrapped his head now and better face the current situation and the fact that they got separated to the rest in the middle of these woods all by themselves. 

“fuck I don’t have my phone with me “ He murmured patting his jeans and jacket before looking at Gintoki, he is trying to not think too much about what happened earlier. Good thing that Gintoki had caught on with his intent as he also looked for his phone which thankfully he had but. 

“Mine is dead”

“What the hell.. we should go back there” Hijikata looked around and frowned, they tried to walk back to where they ran off too, the walk was spent with silence not even their usual bantering happened which un nerve Hijikata its like the balance of their interactions was gone and he doesn’t know how to have a casual conversation with Gintoki apart from their normal bantering they never really had a proper and casual conversation, 

“I think we went about this way” he pointed and HIjikata frowned but he had no choice to follow GIntoki since he was the one who dragged him here. “about earlier..”

“Forget what happened, it was a mistake, you are confused, I was shocked and things escalated so .. um that’s..”he stopped walking as Gintoki stopped and looked at him. 

“Then why did you kiss me back? You could have pushed me away”

Hijikata froze as he looked at Gintoki avoiding to flush too much and opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. “i- I was confused! And.. and I didn’t reacted that earlier! T-that thing freaked me out! And then i just.. You know i dont know what to do and its just you suddenly! ”

“calm down you are shaking” GIntoki grabbed his shoulder to calm him down “What’s wrong with you?” Gintoki stopped and led him to a small clearing and sat down, Hijikata did too and took In deep breathes as he sat there. He should calm himself and collect his thoughts and emotions at the same time, he cant.. he cant just break down here like this not in front of Gintoki. 

“You look exhausted”

“I am..” he murmured and frowned, that can be a good excuse as of the moment and he sighed. 

“Work too much? Tosshi said you got two part time you even got from work before coming here  “

“yeah.. “

“You are killing yourself”

“I don’t see why you should care” 

At that Gintoki’s brow rose and a ticked mark appeared on his temple. “That’s what I really hate about you, why do you always push people away, I cant even start up a conversation with you”

“because you are being such an asshole! And we aren’t friends or anything like that!”

“.. oh okay so we aren’t friends? Yeah that’s right I forgot sorry, because everytime I try to be friendly with you, you just block me out!”

“why does it matter? “

“Why? Cause I wanna be friends with you! Is that bad? You isolate yourself too much”

Hijikata frowned as he looked down “I don’t wanna talk about it “

“See you are avoiding it again, come on Hijikata whats really up with you? You’ve been acting weird since a few months ago”

“This is not what we should be talking about now, we need to get out of here” he murmured and stood up, Gintoki sighed and also started walking; the walk was spent once again with silence and small conversation where they would head. The wind started to get chilly and despite the jacket Gintoki could not help but shudder, it started snowing as well and he raised his hand to catch one and he glanced at Hijikata who was shivering, he was wearing a jacket but he had no other protection from the cold, GIntoki frowned and removed his scarf throwing it over Hijikata. 

“Here, why did you not bring a scarf?”

“I forgot” 

“Yet I saw Tosshi’s bag is so well packed, you really care a lot about him do ya?”

“Yeah, he is the only one I got now, and ill do everything for him “

“heh.. such a nice brother you are” GIntoki smirked and sighed “I don’t really have any siblings, most I have is Katsura and Takasugi”

“mm” HIjikata frowned and glanced at Gintoki, why is he suddenly opening up and starting a casual conversation,  he was trying to be friendly and HIjikata frowned with that, is it… safe to be friends with him now? Its too late for that right?

“Hey, Hijikata”

“what?”

“You should let loose once in a while “ he murmured and looked at him “sometimes its nice to have someone to have fun with and share your troubled thoughts.. you always bottle them up ya know?” Gintoki smiled and shoved his hands on his pockets as they walk and Hijikata looked at his back and frowned, this bastard. This is like falling for him all over again! He didn’t know what to do right now and his emotions are all messed up. 

“look! The meteor shower!” GIntoki looked up and pointed at the night sky and Hijikata looked up at to see the night sky being painted with multitude of bright lights and it looks amazing and breathtaking that Hijikata forgot what was going on his mind a small smile crossed his features and Gintoki saw it, he stared at him before looking up again.

“Come on make a wish!” Gintoki nudged him and he blinked, looking at Gintoki who had his eyes close and probably wishing to rain parfait or strawberries, he looked up as well and frowned. Wish huh.. he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before glancing at Gintoki. 

“What?”

“That was a deep sigh, what did you wish for?”

“Why should I tell you?”

“Cause im telling mine!, I wish there would be a time where I can get a pass for unlimited sweets! Or raining strawberry!” HIjkata mentally face palmed, he knew it. “.. also I wish that Tosshi would find happiness and for us to last long”

HIjikata looked at him and nodded, looking down he nodded “yeah” well there goes his wish straight to the drain, how can he even desire to have this man who doesnt even look at him. 

“How about yours?”

“Its fine, it doesn’t matter, its not gonna be granted anyways ”

“yeah.. no one on earth would grant of raining mayonnaise”

“YOU ASS!”

“WHAT?! Did you actually wish for that?!”

  
“Sorta… but not my main wish so fuck off”

They stood there as the shower ended and Hijikta looked at GIntoki..    
  


_ I wish… you ould look at me like how you look at Tosshi.. but I guess that’s impossible even shooting stars cant grant this wish of mine.  _


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gintoki mistaken Hijikata as Tosshi and after that incident Gintoki started to get confused and bothered on what he actually felt towards the twins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! First of all I thank you so much for supporting and leaving reviews on this fic, I wouldn't be motivated if it weren't for you guys, cause I really thought this fic was dying I published its first chapter a long time ago and no one seems to read it and completely stopped writing. I wanna thanks Arahiro_kun for giving me motivation and taught me how to put damn tags on my story! that's right I didn't put tags on my stories cause I didn't know you have to do that XD. 
> 
> Anyways im sorry for the delayed update I was working on the other fic as well and updates it alternately, I got my laptop back and my ankle is fine now so I guess I can update a bit faster.. but I have some stuff with work and my cosplay to do as well sooo yeah ill try to get fit everything , then again thank you so much!! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy and sorry for the long note XD

 

_._

_._

_._

_He held him firmly, his hands around his waist as he pulled him closer and Gintoki ran his thumb on his lower lip and pressed his hand firmly under his chin as he tipped his head up. Carmine red gazed at Gun metal blue orbs, leaning closer he kissed him, fingers tangling on smooth raven locks and Gintoki felt the other held unto him shirt , the kiss was slow and gentle but soon enough as he licked in between the chapped lips who without hesitation parted open for him to invade and Gintoki lunged for it and he was met with eagerness, the hands that was gripping his shirt now crawled to wrap around his neck and Gintoki felt the strong desire, affection the passion as if it was the last thing his partner wanted in the world. When they parted he pressed his forehead on the other male and looked at him, Gintoki’s eyes widen as he saw the expression he had, sad.. hurt.. loneliness and he wiped away the tears that was slowly threatening to fall, GIntoki’s heart ache as he saw the sad smile the other had and he wanted to held him and tell him its gonna be okay.._  
  


_“im sorry..”_

_“no it’s fine.. why are you saying sorry?”_

_“its not right..”_

_“what is?”_

_“this…”_

_“.. but Hijika—“_

“AGHH! “

Gintoki’s eyes snapped open as he curled on his bed in pain it felt like a heavy lead just dropped on his belly with crushing power and all he could do is roll while clutching his stomach he slowly glanced on his bedside and saw Otose , it seems that the old hag woke him up by elbowing his gut. Otose was his landlady, After his Father died of sickness when he was 12 Otose looked after him, and just like his father Shouyo even though he was adopted and not blood related Otose looked after him like how a mother would do to his kid, she said she would collect his rent fee when he was old enough to get some work, right now he was a feeloader .

“WHAT THE HELL YOU OLD HAG!”

“ive been trying to wake you up since a few minutes ago! Idiot you will be late!”

“You don’t have to elbow me!”

“I wont if you woke up! You must be dreaming something nice huh? Teens these days tch! Go down and eat breakfast” after the lecture she blew a puff of smoke and left the room, the smell hit Gintoki’s nostrils and like a nostalgia the dream was back on his mind again and that scent of nicotine brought him back of the happenings two days ago in the woods. Since that incident Gintoki had been plague with dreams, and he cant seem to forget what happened and he can still feel Hijikata’s lips..

“damn it! This is not right!” he groaned and sighed. “something needs to be done!” he stood up and rubbed his hair as he frowned, after what happened on the woods and after that meteor shower they kept walking until they met up with the rest of the group. They found out that Sougo and Kagura had pranked them , Hijikata was so angry he almost packed his stuff to leave good thing Tosshi was able to talk to him and calm him down, he looked so worried and was constantly asking how was Tosshi feeling and there was something strange about how overly worried Hijikata was towards Tosshi its just a bit un nerving, the whole night he was asking how was he feeling which is a bit weird. The rest of the night was spent on watching the stars and had some story telling as well, he and Hijikata didn’t talk after that until they packed up in the morning to leave.

Scratching his head he grabbed his uniform and towel going on his usual routine, he took a bath changed his clothes made sure to wear his coat and scarf and grabbed his things, he eat a quick breakfast which earned him a nag from Otose for not finishing it and was chased around the compound, he made a dash towards the ground floor and grabbed his bicycle, he went to the intersection where he and Tosshi normally meet up and pulled out his phone texting Tosshi

_[you already on school? Im in the intersection]_

He waited for a reply which came a few minutes after he sent his message.

_[Nope, on my way there (/^o^)/ ]_

_[ill wait]_

Was his quick response and he sighed, looking at the cars that was passing by he held his phone and frowned, this is not the time to be thinking about Hijikata and it was never right in the first place, its just a honest mistake! And just a kiss! Its like ya know not that big deal, why should he even make it as a big deal in the first place?! but he knew that he would never be settled unless he figured out that what happened that night and what he was feeling is only because he thought Hijikata was Toshi  That's all!

“Gintoki!”

His head snapped to the side and saw Tosshi skipping towards him waving as he waited for the cars to pass by before crossing the road. He was bundled up in a sweater and scarf also with a white fluffy earmuffs. he looked adorable with it, Gintoki reached out and poked his nose.

“Your nose is red.. hop on”

Tosshi nodded and climbed on the back of the bicycle holding unto Gintoki’s waist. “uh.. by the way where is Ougushi-kun?”

“mm? Toshirou already went to school, I daresay”

“that early huh?”

“yeah he said something about dropping by to that café where he work “

“oh.. okay then let’s go hold on tight”

“mmkay”

They silently rode towards school and he parked his bicycle outside with the rest of the other bike, Tosshi waited silently and after making sure that the bike was secured they walked towards the building, Tosshi was silently observing him and he sighed unable to bear the silence anymore.

“Is there something wrong? “ he asked with a small pout, he had noticed that Gintoki had been out of it since this morning, he was present but his mind was somewhere else. Gintoki on the other hand was surprised as Tosshi asked the question and he shook his head and wrapped his arms around Tosshi’s shoulder as they climbed the stairs.

“Im fine, im fine just received another elbow from the old hag”

“oh.. that hurts, I daresay” Tosshi murmured and pouted as he imagined how much it hurts and he patted Gintoki’s belly. “your abs didn’t protect you?”

“ooh?? What’s this bringing up my abs all of a sudden huh?” he smirked and Tosshi blushed as he frowned.

“I dunno” he murmured and opened the door to the classroom and they went inside, Gintoki immediately locked eyes with Hijikata, they looked at each other and Hijikata immediately looked back down on his text book. Tosshi looked at them for a moment and then went to his seat in front of Hijikata, Gintoki followed and set his things down beside him as well, just in time the teacher arrived and they all settled on their seats.

 

Hijikata tried to focus on the class, he was looking at the teacher and the teacher alone then back to his notes but because of old habits he slowly glanced beside him but he froze as he met Gintoki’s gaze as well and they both looked away. Hijikata’s heart almost leaped out , he didn’t expect that and it was too obvious that they both caught eachother starring. His ears started to turn red and he scribbled back on his notes, this.. what the hell he can feel someone looking at him and the rest of the class was spent like that, once the bell rang he immediately stood up to get some fresh air and went to the bathroom.

Once he arrived there he splashed some water on his face and sighed looking at himself In the mirror he recalled the incident and Gintoki’s lips into his, that kiss.. he wasn’t able to sleep properly thinking about it and it would even make him flush just by remembering it. Calming down he wiped his face with his handkerchief, he heard the door open and looked at the new comer which made his eyes widen as Gintoki looked back at him. Just when he had already calm down and he had to fuckin show up! He decided to ignore him and walked passing Gintoki but he stopped when he felt a strong hold on his arm.

“What the hell?!”

“Why are you avoiding me?”

“Im not! “

“Bullshit, you are avoiding me again like before!”

“Its none of—“

“my business yeah I know what you are gonna say we.. I .. come on Hijikata you cant stop thinking about it right?!”

“I don’t know what to mean let go!” he squirmed but Gintoki’s hold on his arm was so strong he was sure it will leave some bruises so he swung his fist towards him and Gintoki was able to dodge it but let go of HIjikata’s arm and the other male used that moment to get away from him but Gintoki grabbed his wrist and dragged him inside the stall and shoved him back, Hijikata kicked and puched Gintoki on the jaw and having enough Gintoki grabbed both his wrist and turned them around pinned him against the door and pressed his body against him and that made Hijikata numb. He stared behind Gintoki and froze, too close.. he is too close this..

“God you are so stubborn I have to pin you like this just to talk to you!”

“l-let go of me”

“you will punch me if I do and you will run”

“I wont.. just get off”

Gintoki looked at him and slowly loosen his hold on him and he stepped back, they both stood there and Hijikata frowned “What?”

“about ya know that night on the woods”

“I told you that we just need to forget about it! It never happened!”

“I cant..”

“huh?”

“I cant forget and this is wrong and crazy I cant settle down its been a mess since that night! And I know you feel that way too!”

Hijikata looked down and clenched his fist “does it matter? So what? Its not right in the first place that was an honest mistake” he murmured “There is no point in dealing with it, or talking about it okay!”

“I know I just don’t know what to do “

“Just spend the time with Tosshi im sure you will forget about it in no time!” he forced a chuckle and frowned looking down he clenched his fist.

“Im sorry.. but let me try something”

“what?”

Hijikata paused as his chin was tipped up and Gintoki pressed his lips against him and he shuddered when he felt his tongue against his lower lip and he slowly parted it and like a switch Hijikata wrapped his arms around Gintoki’s neck and the kiss became heated in a matter of second, Gintoki held his waist and Hijikata let out a groan his fingers tangled on the silver locks, the kiss was heated, deep and eager and they parted to take some deep breaths, and Hijikata slowly let go of his hold, his hand slumped beside him and Gintoki took a step back panting.

“Sorry.. I, damn it!” he left the cubicle and Hijikata stood there unmoving and he slammed his fist on the door so hard before crouching down and gripped his hair.

“Damn it! Im sorry!”

 

Katsura and Sougo was discussing on the hallways when they saw Gintoki running. “Gintoki!” Katsura called and Sougo raised a brow, it seems he didn’t notice them and frowned he looked back to where Gintoki was running from and saw Hijikata’s retreating form on the other side of the hallway turning towards the locker and he smirked.

“What’s wrong with him”

“Maybe he was late for his class”

GIntoki left the bathroom and ran upstairs ignoring Katsura that called him he dashed up stairs, he needed a breather and to think things clearly, his head and feelings are a mess, he kissed Hijikata to see what he would feel if he knew it was him since the first time they did he thought he was Tosshi so he thought that maybe by kissing him and completely aware of who he was actually talking too would clear things up that maybe he cant stop thinking about that kiss is because he thought It was his lover … but no, it didn’t feel different not at all in fact…

“Danna?”

Gintoki flinched and looked back a bit startled to see Sougo. “Souichiro”

“Sougo, whats this cutting classes?”

“Mm I need a fresh air “ he murmured and glanced at Sougo who stood beside him “And you? Cutting classes as well?”

“Nah our teacher is sick so the second period is free..” he glanced at him and saw the bruise on his jaw “Got into fight with HIjikata-san again?”

Gintoki flinched and nodded “yeah”

Sougo looked at him and blinked, he knew something was up between the two since that day on the camping and he noticed this since then, something must have happened when they got separated with the group.. did Hijikata confessed? No that’s something Hijikata cant do. “Did something happened between you and Hijikata-san back in the woods?”

Gintoki flinched and forced a smile “Huh?”

_Bullseye_

Sougo smirked and leaned against the railings, “So something happened huh? “

“.. well that..”

.

.

.

“ _Toshiro where are you! “_

“Sorry I went home, im feeling sick I already told Matsudaira-Sensei” Hijikata frowned as he walked on the streets with his phone in hand talking to Tosshi                                                            

“ _oh, okay you should have told me, please be careful on your way home”_

“Yeah thanks, you too bye”

_“bye”_

He ended the call and gripped his phone he looked up to see the snow falling and he frowned, he felt sick… he felt sick for betraying Tosshi, he felt sick for liking the kiss and wanting more, he felt so sick and he didn’t even stop Gintoki. He didn’t want this anymore its getting complicated, why is this happening?! He knew he wished for GIntoki to return his feelings but not this way, not when he would have to betray and hurt Tosshi, he would rather not.. he thought at first its fine, everything will be fine he would forget about Gintoki and move on but it seems that wont be the case, this is why he didn’t want to get close, to get attached to anyone but really cant say no when your heart is being swept out by someone, he got scared, that he would be rejected or making himself look like a fool and now he had regretted everything if only he was strong enough to tell him, if he was brave enough to hear whatever answer Gintoki gave, if .. Gintoki actually felt the same way.. there was so many what ifs but there is no point on dwelling on it now.

He thought before that .. its not bad to fall In love …

But now..

“Was it?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New year everyone! I am so sorry for the laaaaate update! oh my God! I was busy with work and there was a 5 days convention on going back in December and im making my costume for a upcoming shoot this January so I have my hands full at the moment but once im done I shall update on these stories, I made this chapter extra long to make it up with you! 
> 
> Thank you so much for being patient, I hope you enjoy it, there might be some typos and grammatical error as I made this in quite a bit rush you can tell me. 
> 
> Enjoy reading!

“So we already set a date for the Christmas party, everyone already voted and ive got the list of the students attending”

Hijikata stared at their teacher that was carrying a small basket with rolled papers of their names, he didn’t want to attend the party but Tosshi talked him into going. He sighed and glanced beside him where he was Gintoki slowly dozing off on his seat pretending to listen. Its been two weeks since the bathroom incident and Hijikata was purposely avoiding Gintoki, the latter seemed to notice but didn’t say anything anymore, he didn’t even bother Hijikata about that which was a relief. He saw the basket being passed around and he drummed his fingers on the table as he waited for his turn to pick a name, once the basket was handed over to him he took a piece of paper and held it waiting for everyone to get their own since they would have to open it the same time .

“okay so everyone got their own papers? You can open them up now and think of the gift, this will be next Friday so use your weekends for shopping”

Everyone started to unfold the paper and got excited upon seeing who they got, the class started to buzz and some people hoping they got their crushes name or someone close to them, he glanced at Tosshi who blinked at his paper.

“Who did you got?”

He heard Gintoki called out to Tosshi who leaned back further and mouthed a small “Otae-san”

Gintoki Shuddered and unfolded his paper “well I got Jimmy-kun, this will be easy” he chuckled to himself and Tosshi turned towards Hijikata excitedly.

“And you Toshirou? Who did you got?”

Hijikata blinked and slowly unfolded his paper and upon seeing the name his heart almost leapt out from his chest because on the paper a scribbled _Sakata Gintoki_ was written.

“nothing worth mentioning…” He replied to his younger brother who pouted at him.

“So lame, I daresay”

Hijikata just frowned and looked at his paper crumbling it he shoved it on his pockets and saw Gintoki glancing at him before looking back at the board.

.

.

.

.

“Tosshi! What do you like for lunch?” Hijikata called out as he looked at  the fridge, he waited for a response and frowned as he didn’t hear anything. He slowly stood up and walked towards the living room where Tosshi was and saw him laying down the couch. “Oi Tosshi” he reached out and nudged his younger brother and frowned. “Are you okay? is something wrong?”

“im not feeling well…”

“is it hard to breathe?”

“kinda.”

Hijikata looked at him and crouched in his front “Get on my back, ill take you to your room” he murmured and Tosshi slowly nodded wrapping his arms around Hijikata’s neck and without difficulties the older stood up and held him under his thigh and walked up to Tosshi’s room. He slowly crouched back and Tosshi sat on his bed with a frown, looking at Hijikata going through the medications on his bedside table. “did this happen recently? Don’t lie to me”  


“Not much, there are some chest pains but nothing that I cant handle, this I still can but still hurts than normal”

“Should I call Kyoshiro-san?”

“no, its okay im fine, I have a favor to ask though, I daresay”

“what?”

“Well me and Gintoki are going out today to buy some present for our exchange gift, can you go instead? He is really expecting to buy something now and just tell him im not feeling well and you will buy my gift for Otae-san” He drank from the pill that Hijikata gave him and chugged the glass of water before laying down.

“Can’t you just tell him that he can go on his own?”

“no! I promised him and besides how can I buy my gift too! Ill be find ill just sleep and rest “

“Why are you so stubborn?”

“Just like you”

Hijikata frowned at that, he didn’t want to spend time with Gintoki, what is the purpose of staying away from him then if he would go out and spend time with him. He glanced at Tosshi that looked at him thoughtfully and he frowned. Why is he letting him go with Gintoki when he was fully aware of his feelings towards his boyfriend! He looked away and started to refill the glass with water.

“fine.. but I want you to call me ASAP! Always have your phone beside you got that?”

“yeah, thanks , he was on his way to the intersection”

“okay, is there anything else you want me to buy for you?”

“.. mm some pretzels and French fries, I daresay”

“alright text or call me if you wanted anything okay?” he ruffled his hair and stood up, he went to his room and grabbed his wallet keys and cellphone he made his way downstairs and grabbed his jacket that was on the coat rack near the door before going out, he hurriedly made his way towards the intersection and wore his black jacket, he would have to buy some gifts and go home that’s all, or he could say they can buy the gifts separately and what not as long as they keep their distance together it would be fine. As he approached the intersection he saw Gintoki there with his bicycle, wearing a red jacket and white scarf while fiddling with his phone and he slowed down, fist clenching he bit his lower lip and slowly walked towards him, as soon as their eyes met Gintoki straightened and placed his phone on his pockets.

“Oogushi-kun?”

Hijikata nodded and stood in front of him and crossed his arms. “Tosshi is not feeling well, he said ill go with you instead to buy his gift”

“what happened to him? Is he okay?”

“yeah he was resting, I already phone Yamazaki to drop by the house to look after him”

“okay.. he should have told so” Gintoki murmured and clicked his tongue

“Exactly what I said.. now look we can go about this like … you buy your gift ill buy mine we don’t have to go together”

“Why not? Oh that’s right you are avoiding me” Gintoki said sarcastically and rolled his eyes as he sighed “Okay look, I know I went overboard with what happened in the toilet but lets forget about that, now hop on” he nudged him and Hijikata frowned before he slowly climbed and sat his hands holding on the back of his seat and Gintoki frowned at that, he grabbed his hands and snaked it around his waist “hold there its too dangerous to sit like that. Hijikata did so and just sat there motionless, he only wish that Gintoki cant feel his heart beating wildly against his chest.

“Where are we goin?”

“There is a 3 day fair on going at Kabuki district for Cristmas sale, we might be able to find something cheap to buy there”

Hijikata nodded and Gintoki started to maneuver around the streets, Hijikata was feeling restless, he cant move his arms as he didn’t want to get that close to Gintoki at the same time he wanted to just tightly wrap his arms around his waist. The wind was fanning his face and his hair was pushed back by the speed , though he could not care that much he had to squint to see the houses that passed by like a blur , he glanced at Gintoki’s head , his wild perm was thrown everywhere and he had a good view of his nape and he immediately looked away and tried to focus on the streets again and started looking at the different kind of cars to distract himself that he didn’t notice they finally arrived. Hijikata jumped off the bike and stretched his arms, Gintoki gave him a side glance before parking his bicycle he adjusted his bag and motioned for Hijikata.

“Come on”

Hijikata followed Gintoki as they went inside, there are a lot of balloons and people around different stalls for food and clothes, bags all loitering in the big open space. Music everywhere and there are just lots and lots of people that Hijikata started to feel uncomfortable .

“Cant we just go some mall? This place is packed with people”

“of course it will because it’s a fair! What do you expect? A cemetery? Come on wipe that gloomy face and have some fun!” Gintoki grabbed his wrist and dragged him inside the place. Hijikata didn’t complain anymore as he followed Gintoki going inside the stall, there are decorations and different kinds of accessories and clothes. Hijikata looked around and started to look at some accessories for Otae, what does that woman even like? He sighed and looked at a pink flower hair pin, gilrs like pink right? Any pink item would probably do he thought and frowned.

“Good Morning, are you looking for something Sir?”

“uh.. well a gift” he murmured, he suddenly felt awkward now that the owner of the stall started to assist him, he doesn’t really like it when someone from the store started to follow him around.

“oh, is it for your girlfriend?” She smiled brightly at him and he felt a blush crawl up on his cheeks as he shook his head.

“uh, no no its not that, its for exchange gift” he murmured and the girl nodded in understanding, she suddenly stood a bit closer to Hijikata much to his discomfort and she started showing him some of the accessories.

“What is she like? Or anything particular thing that she puts on? Or her hobbies ”

Hijikata thought for a moment to ponder, holding his chin “she doesn’t really put some accessories” he murmured and the girl slowly grabbed his arm to lead him towards the clothing section. Gintoki looked at the exchange and frowned.

_Oi what the hell!? There is also another customer here!_

He frowned and observed Hijikata and he wanted to laugh at how uncomfortable he looked, and it was so damn obvious that the girl was hitting at him but the bastard didn’t seem to notice it, he scratched his head and walked over towards them, somehow he felt annoyed and didn’t like what he saw.

“Oi Mayora, did you decide already?”

“uh no, I haven’t yet im not really close with her so I don’t know what to get”

Gintoki crossed his arms as he tapped his fingers on his forearms. “That woman doesn’t really like fancy things “

“Perhaps an item that she can use everyday?” The sales lady smiled at them and they both looked at eachother.

“Ah I know” Hijikata murmured.

.

.

.

 

“So you think getting cooking utensils will be a good idea?” Gintoki frowned as they walked out of the booth, Hijikata looked at the neatly wrapped item he bought.

“Its not that bad, she liked to cook so give her something she might use for it”

“NO! no , no Oogushi-kun you don’t understand, now she would have to bring a bento and started feeding everyone with her dark matter!” Gintoki wailed and gripped his hair in despair, he may look like he was over reacting but he wasn’t ! The school will be poisoned!

“Doesn’t matter as long as she loves what she was doing” he murmured and shrugged, now that he was done buying Tosshi’s gift then maybe he could go home.

“also, that sales lady was totally flirting with you”

“huh?”

“you didn’t notice? Wow pretty boys are so lucky, girls swarms over them even though they aren’t doing anything , being good looking is really nice, poor Gin-san have to work hard to get some girls attention, whats with this perm I have ” Gintoki smirked teasing Hijikata as they walked, he was expecting a loud retort but was surprised that the other looked at him in wonder as if he said something that was made him blink.

“But you are already good looking enough”

“…”

“…”

There was a sudden silence and they both stopped walking and that was the time that words he said finally sunk and HIjikata blinked before taking a small step back and his cheeks started to get redder

“I mean! You aren’t that bad looking, m-more like decent! That’s all!”

Gintoki laughed at that and they continued walking “I didn’t expect you saying that, what you always call me perm head”

“Cause you keep insulting me back! Besides, you don’t need to have good looks to please other people, its still the personality and kindness in oneself that stands out compared to physical beauty”Hijikata said as they walked and Gintoki looked at him, now that he looked closer he can notice some differene with Tosshi and Hijikata. Hijikata was much taller about his same height, Tosshi is a bit smaller to him from the height and build, it’s a slight difference that you cant notice unless you pay too much attention. Also Tosshi’s eyes are brighter shade of blue compared to HIjikata’s  grayish blue. GIntoki started to wonder why he was noticing this now, he really didn’t paid any attention before but then..

“Where are we going next?” Hijikata asked and Gintoki snapped at his thoughts and cleared his throat before pointing at a convenience store.

“I have something to buy there real quick!”

“mm okay”

They both went inside and Gintoki went to a specific stall, Hijikata patted his coat pockets and cursed under his breath as he forgot his cigarettes, sighing he looked around and saw the stall where they are and grabbed his usual pack and went to go in line but since Gintoki was already in the counter he stood beside him and placed his item along with his as he started to check his bag.

“include that too” as he dug on for his wallet he noticed the cashier’s eyes looking at him, she had a small flush as she collected their items.

“Is there anything else you wanna add sirs?” she shyly said and started to pack the items and Hijikata frowned why she was giggling to herself and as he looked down he saw that Gintoki had bought a box .. yes a box of condoms and it was Hijikata’s turn to flush red and she handed the items towards him which Gintoki took and paid for it.

“ill pay for your cigarettes Oogushi-kun” he murmured and led him outside. “let’s go”

“come back again! And keep it safe!” the cashier called out and Hijikata had his head bowed until they left the store and that’s where he started to get furious.

“what the hell are you buying!?”

“uh.. condoms?”

“.. wh- that are you and Tosshi—“

“Woah! Wait no that’s not it okay, chill, although yes we already did but that’s beside the point okay! This is for Jimmy! For Jimmy!”

“You did!?”

“of course we did! What do you expect we are doing when we are alone?! Stare at each other and play chess?!”

“wha—“

“That’s beside the point, this is for Jimmy! Im just gonna prank that cherry boy” he dug through the plastic bag and handed Hijikata his cigarettes which he took a bit annoyed and placed one in between his lips.

“tch! This remind of the shit you pulled back in 1st year”

“Oh! Yeah! I got you as my ppftt! Okay that was fun to be honest the look on your face!” Gintoki tried to stop himself from laughing as he recalled the incident and only snapped out of his when Hijikata punched his shoulder “ow! What the!”

“you asshat!” he hissed and flicked the mayonnaise lighter which Gintoki look at and pointed at the object.

“Woah! You still have that!?”

“.. o-of course! Its mayonnaise! I wont throw that away!” he huffed and turn his head away, he pocketed the lighter back and gripped it tightly, this thing had been the most important that he owned that was not given by his brothers and this is where everything had started and he held unto this since then but there is no way he can tell that to Gintoki.

“Figures, by the way who did you got ? you haven’t bought anything for your gift?”

“… you don’t have to bother about that I already bought mine”

Hijikata kept on walking as he tried to have that topic diverted, he cant make Gintoki have some assumptions since the bastard really picks up information so fast, good thing that Gintoki didn’t bother to ask him any further as they walked, taking deep breathes to calm himself and puffing a cloud of smoke. As they looked around they walked side by side and Hijikata stopped in the nearest trash can to throw away his cigarette butt and that’s where he saw it, his eyes sparkled at the sight of it, the majestic drawstring bag which was in a form of mayonnaise bottle.

“oi! Let’s go!”

“I want that!” he pointed at the item and strolled to the stall that was selling it and Gintoki sighed and followed him towards the stall and he immediately saw what Hijikata was fuzzing about and sighed.

“seriously”

“hey, how much is for that string bag?!”

“Its not for sale” the man behind the counter shrugged and pointed behind him “You have to play first and you can get a prize”. HIjikata looked at him and then to the stall he had, it’s a shooting game the targets was small figurines that was lined up.

“okay old man how much and how can I get the prize “

“you have five bullets and you have to hit at least three on these “ he pointed behind him and grinned.

“Alright then” Hijikata dug on his wallet and slapped the money on the counter, the man in charge pocketed the money and handed Hijikata the toy riffle, Gintoki watched Hijikata in amusement as he stood there with his arms crossed. Hijikata took his position and aimed for the small soldier toy figure and fired, it hit the item but it didn’t budge enough to be knocked off the stand, frustrated grunt was heard and he tried to target the toy next to it but the same thing happened, his other two shot completely missed and the last one barely hit the toy.

“ugh! Another one!”

“sure thing” the man reloaded the riffle as Hijikata placed the money again but before he can get the riffle Gintoki took it from him and shoved towards him his plastic bag

“hold this, let me get a shot” he smirked and Hijikata side stepped looking at Gintoki as he aimed towards the targeted item.  He fired and the toy soldier didn’t even budge, reloading the riffle he tried again and the same thing happened,  Hijikata heard a sigh and Gintoki moved on a different target, he missed and the rest is the same until he lost all the chances, the owner chuckled and it made Hijikata frown.

“So what now another round?”

“Oka—“ Hijikata blinked as Gintoki squeezed his shoulder and saw that sly grin on his face as he moved near the counter

“Oi Oji-san how about lifting one of those small soldier target to the right cause it seems that is way too far compared to the others” he smirked and observed the man frown at him before shrugging

“No can do, so are you still going to play or?”

“well…” he looked at Hijikata and then threw the riffle at the stand where the targeted items was, the stand fell off and Hijikata blinked slapping Gintoki’s arm

“What the hell are you doin?!”

“You brat!” The man yelled at Gintoki and the perm bastard doesn’t seem unfazed and scratched his head as he shrugged before pointing at the stand where the toy soldiers was still intact into the platform.

“oi, oi Oji-san it seems our target is not budging outta the platform”

Hijikata looked down and saw that the pieces aren’t scattered and was perfectly in place then he looked at the man who stood to at least hide the cheat he was doing on his game and this made Hijikata furious and pointed at the man.

“You have been cheating all this time!! We should have gotten the prize if you aren’t cheating! “ HIjikata angrily stomped and slammed both his palm on the counter “how could you do this! And those children that played here too! You should give us the prize we deserved!”

“What! No you didn’t follow the rules of the games!”

“OI! You shit head! You just che-mmn!” He wasn’t able to proceed as Gintoki had his palm slapped over his mouth as he stood behind Hijikata and his other hand wrapped around his waist, he felt being lifted up and placed a few feet away from the counter.

“okay, okay calm down Mayora” Gintoki sighed and stepped towards the stall. “oi Oji-san what you just did is cheating, what would think the organizer of this fair do if she found out about this, your shop will probably taken down”

“as if you can scare me you brat”

“oh damn yes I could , hold up a minute you ass hat” Gintoki then fished his phone and dialed a number putting it on speaker “let me call the fair organizer Terada Otose” He smirked and Hijikata lookd at him as if he was crazy, how the hell would Gintoki even have contact with Kabukicho’s most infuencial woman?

“Don’t scare me brat that’s impossible”

“just wait then” The ringing continued until it stopped and a familiar voice was heard.

“ _What do you want Gintoki”_

 _“_ Yo old hag! I was just wondering around this fair that you organized, ya know I just noticed something”

Hijikata blinked and looked at the old man who started sweating, he really does know Otose? And he was speaking so casually towards her too. He didn’t know this… he kept looking at Gintoki , the old started shaking his head and this made Gintoki smirk even further and Hijikata could only mentally facepalm, it seems Gintoki’s sadism is being fueled up and Hijikata tapped his shoulder gesturing to the man and Gintoki nodded.

“nothing, nothing yeah see ya tonight”

“ _you brat! Calling me at this busy day! Make sure you go home ear—“_

Gintoki snapped the phone close and smiled as the old man handed Hijikata the mayonnaise string bag and he nodded at him before they left the stall, he looked at Hijikata that was excitedly checking his new item and shoves his wallet, keys and other stuff he bought before wearing it. He had to admit he looked adorable , like a kid that was excited on having their first field trip. One thing he also noticed is Hijikata was shivering and he was only wearing his jacket that wasn’t even thick enough to completely shield him from the cold weather, this made Gintoki sigh and removed his scarf. “Oi Ougshi-kun” he called out and Hijikata looked back at him before blinking when the scarf was wrapped around his neck “the hell you are wearing in this cold weather”

Hijikata looked at him and then the scarf around his neck and he froze,his mind started to malfunction and screaming at him to throw the scarf away back at the bastard’s face! But he did none of that and it made him frustrated,, he fought back the blush that was threatening to surface on his cheeks. They continued to walk and he slowly tried to take a quick sniff of the fabric and he flushed, shaking his head he tried to distract himself.

“How come you knew Otose?”

“Oh, I live in the apartment on top of her bar”

“eh, really?”

“She is some sort of my guardian now after my foster dad passed away two years ago “

“oh” Hijikata nodded, yeah he remembered Gintoki being absent and so down during those time, he wanted to comfort him but he didn’t know why and they aren’t friends so all he could do is look after him from afar and make sure he was okay. He seemed normal around the china girl and the rest of his friends but he noticed the difference but he was glad Gintoki was able to recover after that.

“I saw your father on PTA meetings, I have no guardians or relatives so I used to attend for my own, he is such a kind person”

Gintoki looked at him and raised a brow as they stopped by a stall and bought some waffles and drink. “Oh yeah he is, im a lucky brat” he smiled though Hijikata can see it was forced and a sad smile, he wanted to comfort him.

“and he is lucky to have you as well “ he smiled a bit and turned back to the seller to get his waffled and paid for it. Gintoki looked at him and smiled a bit to himself as he paid for his share.

“Lets go”

“yeah”

.

.

The rest of the day was spent in looking around stalls, Gintoki bought Yamazaki a badminton set and he bought some accessories for Kagura also some shirt for Shinpachi. HIjikata happened to saw a Tomoe Figurine that was on sale in a stall which had Anime ,manga and games being sold, Gintoki bought himself a Zelda shirt and also another Tomoe item for Tosshi. The next stall they visited had Hijikata stopped by and bought some shirt for Kondo, he well decided to buy some for Sougo as well. After they visited the stalls, They went back and Hijikata found himself on Gintoki’s bicycle again as they rode back home and he could not help but think that this is such a great day and never in his dreams he ever thought that he would be able to go out with Gintoki like this, he knew that he just stood as replacement for Tosshi but it was oddly satisfying, even just for a day. He looked at Gintoki and closed his eyes taking a deep breath as they stopped by the intersection, he jumped out and Gintoki smiled at him.

“thanks for today”

“It was nothing, its for Tosshi so you don’t have to thank me”

“Still you went and actually you aren’t a bad accompany for today, you finally loosen up too.. those brows aren’t trying to kiss eachother” he chuckled and reached out to press his finger between his brows with Hijikata slapped away. “Anyways tell Tosshi to get better okay? I wont drop by there, he would be ecstatic and probably be out of bed when he sees me so yeah “

“yeah..” he murmured and saw Gintoki getting ready to leave and he grabbed his jacket before he could go any further and removed the scarf around his neck and handed it back to the other.

“Thanks for this”

“not a problem”

There was a sudden silence and Gintoki looked at the scarf then to Hijikata “You know Hijikata-kun, if I had gotten to know you more, we could have been friends a long time ago”

“… what do you mean?”

“I don’t like you”

Hijikata blinked and looked at him that.. that went straight to his heart and he stood there frozen but not because of the cold weather.

“I always thought of that, you are too serious, gets angry everytime, cant have fun always had a stick in your ass , but these past few weeks I realized something.”

“… like?”

“That it would have been nice if we got to know eachother earlier than this then probably we could have.. “ there was a short pause and Gintoki shook his head “nevermind, anyways see you at school”

HIjikata looked at GIntoki as he drove away, he stood there and gripped his shopping bags tightly, biting his lower lip, Gintoki’s last words still lingering in his mind, He shook his head and shivered heading back to their apartment, its too late to hope but …

 _..then probably we could have…_ We could have what?

“It’s cold..”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GIntoki received an unexpected gift.  
> Hijikata almost spilled it.  
> Tosshi fought for it.
> 
> Will things be still the same ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Belated Happy Valentines to you guys! this chapter is still on Christmas setting, proof on how slow I am on updates and I apologize!  
> anyways I hope you will enjoy this chapter!  
> I apologize if there are grammatical errors or typo, I was kinda in a rush to keep up for valentines.

“It’s already christmas eve and you still work ?”

Hijikata looked back to see Gintoki standing in the entrance of the café where Hijikata was working part time, he was done with his shift and was about to leave the place to buy some groceries to cook tonight and he didn’t expect to see Gintoki.

“What are you doing here?”

“You didn’t attend the party”

“.. I was doing something important” he murmured and looked down before bowing at the manager and started walking, Gintoki silently walked beside him and Hijikata started to feel anxious about this, he was wondering why Gintoki had come, at this hour as well, three hours from now it will be Christmas so why is he here instead of spending it with his family.

“Hijikata..”

Hijikata halted as he felt Gintoki’s strong grip on his arm and he paused looking at him a bit confused and it hit him, the gift, he must have been .. offended by it? He should have not used that as a gift.

“The gift, ah shit I should have not –“

“thank you, you have no idea how that thing means to me” pulling him close , HIjikata stumbled a bit as Gintoki suddenly pulled him closer and he froze on the spot with his eyes wide open when Gintoki kissed him, holding him close and it made Hijikata flustered, confused and embarrassed, his mind started to get fuzzy and the cold seemed to disappear from how warm Gintoki is, though it still left him wondering what made Gintoki suddenly acted like this. .

.

.

.

.

-6 hours ago-

The classroom was bustling, it was loud and the students were rowdy, the endless sound of Christmas song is still ringing on Gintoki’s ears and he felt like he is going to bleed from his ear, he was silently starting to annihilate the marshmallow on sticks that was for dessert. He started to look around and he didn’t see the Hijikata twins yet which was un usual since they normally doesn’t get late and its been almost half an hour now. He took out his phone and frowned as he didn’t receive any text from Toshi either.

“What are you doing eating all those marshmallow Gin-san?”

Otae’s sweet voice was heard behind him and he gulped because damn it of all people who caught him it was this woman!

“ha? I was doing nothing! What are you talking about?” he started to slowly take small steps away from her, he can feel her killing intent evident on the air.

“Gintoki!” she raised her fist and Gintoki made a mad dash out of her reach and ran around the classroom with her chasing him and that’s where he bumped into the person who entered the classroom who happened to be Toshi.

“Out of the way Toshi!!”

“Wha---“

They both collided and Gintoki immediately grabbed Toshi by the arm and pulled him close regaining his balance in time as he breathed out a sigh of relief, Toshi would have fallen down if he wasn’t careful. Taking a step back he looked at the other male and patted his shoulder.

“You okay? Did I hurt you?”

“No, no im fine, I daresay.. just surprised” Toshi chuckled and looked around where everyone was greeting him and waving at him. He proceeded to walk inside with Gintoki following behind him but he craned his neck to look around and once they settled on their chairs Gintoki sat beside Toshi and leaned closer

“Where is Oguushi-kun?”

“Oh.. um he wont be attending , he had somewhere to be and also he had a early shift today at work”

“what? Why would he work before Christmas and what not this party?” Gintoki raised a brow and scoffed, he cant believe that idiot really, such a workaholic.

“I know! And that was what im telling him but he was just to stubborn I daresay” he pouted a bit and had his arms crossed, he was clearly not happy.

“Did you two fought? Is that why you are late?”

“We didn’t fought, just argued” he sighed and frowned “…he is pushing his self too much for my sake it makes me feel more uncomfortable” he murmured, Gintoki is not sure on what he means by that but decided to remain silent as he looked at Toshi who looked like Hijikata now with that frown and crease on his brows, Gintoki isn’t used to it so he wrapped his arms around his shoulder and rubbed small circles on it, Toshi looked at him as his features soften and he sighed before letting out a small smile.

“just relax, enjoy the party today and scold him later when you go home. “

“yeah”

Toshi nodded but he still cant stop thinking about their argument earlier, the reason Hijikata wasn’t able to come is because he went to visit the hospital to follow up on Toshi’s condition, they went for a checkup yesterday , he was feeling some chest pain and Hijikata almost didn’t let him go to the party now, but he insisted and that led to a small argument, he was sure that they will be fine once he got home. He glanced at the gifts that he got one for Otae and the other for Gintoki, Hijikata handed the gift to him earlier to give instead since he wont be attending. Tosshi was surprised once he found out that it was Hijikata who got Gintoki’s name though they didn’t speak about it any further.

“Okay gather around let’s start!” The teacher finally called everyone’s attention and they gather around to start the gift giving, it started with Kagura who got Tama’s name, the rest followed and Tosshi was anxious and excited to know who got his name and what gift he would receive.

“excited?” Gintoki asked since they sat side by side he can see Tosshi’s eyes getting all sparkly as he nodded.

“yes!” he looked at the sequence of the students who started to give their gifts, Tama stood up and went over to Tosshi who handed him a paper bag, opening it he saw a clear folder and some post cards of Tomoe-chan and her squad members, he was very happy and looks like it was indeed a official merchandise too, they had a small conversation and he then stood up to give Otae her gift which made her happy that it was him who got her name, and even more happier when she saw the contents of her gift that she hugged Tosshi. Gintoki went to Yamazaki and smirked as he handed him the small gift.

“Yo Jimmy, I know this will be very useful to you and I hope you can use it”

He smirked as he saw Yamazaki started opening the gift and flushed when he saw the contents, everyone started laughing.

“Danna! How could you!” he looked like he was about to cry and that made Gintoki’s sadism rise up to a notch, though it wasn’t as fun as Hijikata’s reaction who almost beat the living shit out of him, he handed him his gift and chuckled

“calm down Jimmy, here is your gift” Gintoki gave him his gift and went back to his seat before blinking, looking around, something was strange, everyone was already opening their gift and he was .. “hey wait.. where is mine?” he asked and everyone started looking at eachother before Tosshi gasped.

“Ah! I forgot!” he reached down to his bag a small box was there and handed it to Gintoki. “Toshiro is the one who got your name and gave this to me to hand to you”

Gintoki looked at the gift and blinked, so it was Hijikata who got his name huh? No wonder he didn’t buy anything from the bazaar they went.  “oh, thanks I should text him later” he smiled and sat down Tosshi craned his neck

“open it I wanna see, I daresay”

Gintoki ruffled his hair and unbind the red ribbon around it before carefully tearing the white wrapper, it was a plain box and opened it to reveal a notebook, but it wasn’t just a notebook , it was Shoyo’s journal book and Gintoki stared at it like it was a ghost, he threw this away when Shoyo died.. it was their 2nd year , it was summer when he passed. Gintoki didn’t went to school for a week and when he got back it was hard , he tried to act fine and how he normally does but the pain was there, he had been using this journal all the time to log his activities at school but everytime he looks at it, it reminds him of Shouyo and the pain of his lost still fresh made him decide to throw it away. But later that afternoon he realized how stupid he was by doing that, throwing something important, something that Shouyo had made, he should have kept that to preserve his memory but when he got back to retrieve it it wasn’t there anymore, the janitor recently threw the trash away along with it , so how on earth did Hijikata had this? He held the note book, it was a different texture ,  he flipped it, the writings were there, everything was in place but it felt wrong, the pages were smooth and clean, the cover doesn’t even had the curry stain on it when one time Gintoki had accidentally spilled it.

“A notebook?” Tosshi asked and looked at Gintoki who had his eyes fixated on it.

“Where is your brother?”

“uhm.. I don’t know, he might be at the house.. or work” he looked away,he didn’t wanna say he was in a hospital.

“I see.. where does he work?”

“… Yumiko café , it was near the park , if its late night shift but during weekends he had some errands too”

Gintoki nodded and placed the notebook inside his bag and didn’t say anything anymore and it bothered Tosshi but he didn’t voiced out his concern and decided to enjoy the party. After it was over he and Gintoki along with Sougo, Kondo and Gintoki’s other three friends decided to go to a karaoke night to extend the celebration, Tosshi had phoned Hijikata to ask permission which he received an earful before he finally agreed as long as he goes home early. Everyone was wild, Sakamoto was smashed a lying mess on the table, Okita didn’t drink much and decided to record their drunken state for his own amusement, Gintoki didn’t drink much as well compared to the other. to make it short they parted ways a little late that the curfew Tosshi promised but Gintoki took him home.

“it was fun today”

“it was” Gintoki smirked and ruffled his hair, he was about to leave when Tosshi grabbed his arm and pulled him close before Kissing him.

“How mean.. you didn’t even gave me a goodbye kiss I daresay” he pouted a bit and looked at GIntoki “is something wrong?”

“what? No nothing, sorry it slipped out my mind”

“You’ve been acting strange lately”

“what? Im fine as a strawberry”

“you might be but something is off” he shook his head and looked away “nevermind I don’t wanna give this day a bad impression so , Merry Christmas Gintoki”

Gintoki smiled and kissed him and whispered his response into his ear before heading back to his bicycle and went. He immediately went to the café where Hijikata worked and parked across it looking at the brightly lit establishment he can see him working, there are 2 customers left and Gintoki looked at his watch as the other left, his shift should be over soon he hoped, so from there he just observed him and sighed, he doesn’t understand what he feels now but the urge to see Hijikata was strong and he could not help himself from going over here and see him, as he saw Hijikata went to the staff room and went out waving to his manager Gintoki approached him and that’s where we left from earlier.

.

.

.

.

Gintoki pulled back from the kiss and they both are breathing heavily, his hands were cupping HIjikata’s cheeks that was warm on his palms.

“Wha-“

“That notebook, how did you?”

Hijikata frowned and looked around, they were in a open space luckily no one was around to see what had occurred so he grabbed Gintoki’s hand and they went to the nearest park, which was illuminated with lights, he bought some hot cocoa and handed one to Gintoki who delightfully accepted it and they both sat down the bench.

“I saw you threw that away” Hijikata looked at his cup as he took a sip before resuming. “You always had that notebook, I saw Shoyo had the same one as well so I figured he might have made it cause it looked handmade with how it was being bind, you threw them out when Shoyo died, I went to pick it up but I wasn’t able to return it to you”

“why?”

“We aren’t .. no I cant , I don’t know how to return it, im not sure either if you still wanted it and get mad if I return it”

“you could have asked me”

“we aren’t friends , I don’t know how to approach you“

Gintoki looked at him and frowned as he took out the notebook and skimmed through it “but this wasn’t the book”

“Yeah,I had it customized, the original was really in a bad shape, I didn’t picked it right away when you threw it I had to stop the janitor and dug through it, it was  torn and wet the ink was smudged”

“you went to pick up a trash just to get that? Why?”

HIjikata wasn’t prepared for that, what should he say? Cause he was watching him all the time that he knew it was important to him? That was creepy and he didn’t want Gintoki to think he was stalking him “i.. that well.. “ he glanced at his watch and stood up “Shoot! I need to go to the groceries, i- I need to go!” he placed his cup down and was about to leave but Gintoki grabbed his arm

“You didn’t answer me”

“let go of me!”

“answer me! Why go to such length to do that? And keep it for this long!”

“that’s because I lo—“

His phone rang and Tosshi was on the other line he immediately answered it.

“ _sh-shiro? Where are you? Im not feeling well”_

 _“_ Ill be there!” he snatched his arm from Gintoki and hauled a taxi which was luckily still on the streets, he almost said it! That was close god damn it. “Ill be there soon okay?”

“ _okay, can you drop by and buy some meds? i don’t think I have enough left for tomorrow”_

“Sure, just rest and call me as soon as you can when you feel something okay?”

_“okay.. thanks”_

The call ended and Tosshi looked at his phone before glancing up towards Gintoki, he hauled another taxi and got in gave his address and asked the driver to take him there as fast as he could, After Gintoki left, he decided to go out and visit Toshiro in his work so they can go Shopping together but when he arrived at the café it was already closed, he was about to leave when he pass the park and saw them together, he lingered and watched them and he didn’t like it, he can only make out some of what they are saying but when he felt something is about to happen he immediately called. He covered his face with both of his hands as he took in deep breathes.

“Im sorry Toshiro.. im sorry” he murmured and bit his lower lip to stop himself from crying

 

**_“But I can’t give him up too”._ **

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Im sorry for this really late update!  
> I dont have my laptop with me hence im using my phone, i apologize in advance if it looked rushed or there are typos.  
> There was changes on work sched so ive been busy but rest assured ill definitely finish this!
> 
> Thank you so much!

It was mid January and the snow hadn't stopped yet, its getting colder and colder but it's not just the weather thats cold but also Gintoki. Tosshi looked at Gintoki as they walked side by side towards the campus, he didnt bring his bicycle and said it was under repair so they walked towards the school, this past few weeks Gintoki had been a bit cold, after the Christmas party there was a three week vacation, they didnt see each other that often since there are some projects that they needed to finish since final exams are upcoming as well. That night when he saw his brother and Gintoki he had this feeling that something is going on but he didnt ask Toshiro or Gintoki about it, but after that the normal calls that Gintoki makes before lessen, the texts as well and he tried to think he was busy but he still cant sit still thinking about it and what they are talking about because it looks serious he still felt bad for lying to his brother though.

“Gintoki.. “

“mm yeah? “

“do you still like me?”

Gintoki was surprised when he heard the question and stopped walking, Tosshi did the same after a couple of steps and looked back at him. “it's just that lately you've been really cold i daresay “ he murmured and looked down. 

  
Gintoki didnt know how to respond to that, he was standing there and looked at him, was he really cold towards him? He cant remember that much, he was too busy thinking about Hijikata…  _ fuck _ … the realization hit him in a form of sound, after that incident on Christmas eve Hijikata left in a hurry and he didnt hear or see him after that, he had been thinking a lot of what he was about to say that night, he was thinking how was he now? He sometimes pass by the cafe he was working and sees him there but he didnt walk in and just simply making sure he was doing okay, the whole time they are at break he was doing nothing but think about Hijikata and hence the reason he had forgotten… The person that was standing before him now. 

“Tosshi… “

How could he? He was horrible, how could he think of someone else when the person he was with is being forgotten. He didnt know what to do anymore. 

“Do you still like me? “

The question stung, does he? Does he still like him? Is the feelings still there? He knew something had changed but he cant identify what and he was scared to know, he doesnt want to hurt Tosshi at the same time he doesn't wanna lie to him and hurt him even more. 

“I.. Tosshi I.. “ the distant sound of the school bell made him cut off and they both looked up at the gate, Tosshi started walking briskly and Gintoki followed. 

“Actually dont answer it yet… Im scared of hearing it for now.. “ he glanced at him before rushing to his locker. Gintoki looked at him and sighed as he walked towards their room, once he arrived there thankfully there was no teacher yet and he sat down and immediately saw Hijikata that was writing something on his note, he didnt acknowledge or looked at Gintoki as he arrived. He was about to call him but Tosshi walked in rushing to his seat as the teacher followed in starting the homeroom. 

Needless to say the whole day Hijikata was avoiding him and he was pissed because of that, what did he do wrong?! He thought everything was fine?!... But who was he kidding it was never fine everything was messed up and confusing, what more is that Tosshi seemed to be avoiding him too. 

. 

. 

. 

“You called for me Sir? “

Hijikata closed the door behind him as he walked in Matsudaira’s office. 

“ah yes Toshiro.. Come in”

Hijikata nodded as he stood in front of his desk, waiting anxiously, he was wondering why he was being called so suddenly but he have a slight idea about what this is for. Matsudaira was the guidance counselor, also their PE instructor and Baseball coach its been a long time since he had a conversation like this with him since he left the team two years ago. 

“how are you Toshirou? Its been some time”

“im doing fine thank you” 

“Now ill get straight to the point, men don't waste time dont they? “ he chuckled to himself and handed Hijikata a white envelope which he took and slowly opened it. “now, a few months ago we did some career tests and interviews for possible universities.. That letter is a invitation letter from a university in tokyo, when i interviewed you, you said you wanted to go to the police academy right? As long as you maintain your grades you can get a scholarship, you just have to pass the entrance exam”

Hijikata looked at the letter and then to Matsudaira, he cant believe this, Shinsengumi Police Academy.. It was the 2nd prestige academy next to Mimawarigumi’s Elite Academy. “But i applied to the local academy here.. “

“Do you think i wanna waste someone when i see talent in them? I remember you said you wanted to attend Shinsengumi.”

“that was a long time ago”

“Toshirou this is a big break, isnt this what you are dreaming”

Hijikata frowned as he looked at the letter, he had been dreaming attending this academy since he was in middle school, Tamegoro told him great things about it, and the people in the police station where he drops by sometimes also expected him to attend there but… “.. Then it means i would have to leave, i cant leave Tosshi alone”

“ah.. That, well ill let you decide you still have 3 months before graduation after all”

Hijikata nodded and bowed “thanks” he murmured and walked out of the office, what should he do now, its really ideal for him to leave, he doesn't st have to stay here and look at Gintoki and Tosshi together, at least while in Tokyo he would focus on his career and maybe he can move on from Gintoki, but he cant leave Tosshi like this especially his sickness seemed to get a bit… Not really good. Sighing he continued walking on the hallways holding the envelope and froze as he heard a familiar laughter, a laughter that he would love to hear all day but right now he was alerted by it and looked around he hid into the corner and peeked to see Gintoki and Katsura walking towards the roooftop, now there goes his plan to be alone completely ruined. He made sure that they are gone before he continued walking now to a different direction. 

“But if Takasugi would let us have an overnight that would be ideal place to play that game”

“just because that midget had a ps4 he could rule us over like that” he scoffed and leaned against the railings, there was a sudden silence and Katsura stood beside him. 

“So what do you really wanna talk about Gintoki?” Katsura looked at Gintoki, he had noticed he was out of it since this morning and he cant fool him that he was fine, his suspicious grew when Gintoki suddenly asked him to go to the rooftop and he knew immediately that he need to say something that he cant say on the campus and its a private issue. 

“Zura.. “

“its Katsura.. “ he murmured. 

“what should i do.. I dont know what i really feel towards Tosshi anymore”

“Gintoki.. Thats.. “

“yeah yeah i know! But i dont know im confused im just “ he sighed. 

“what's confusing you? I know you randomly flirt before and it wasnt a big deal but we saw how serious you are with Tosshi so what changed? Where is the doubt coming from?”

“... You will hit me for this”

“what.. “

“Its Hijikata… I think im starting to like him”

“uhm… I understand if you started liking someone, but… why Hijikata? They practically have the same face”

A tickmark appeared on Gintoki’s forehead and he gritted his teeth “i thought you are going to hit me for that but it seems like im more tempted to hit you more! They are different! Totally different! “

“in a serious note though.. You fucked up” Takasugi’s voice was heard as he walked up to the both of them, Gintoki flinched and groaned but at least it wasnt that blabbermouth Sakamoto or else it would have been announced to the entire campus.

“i was about to smoke and i saw you two walked in and heard the conversation, anyways what are you gonna do now? You cant play two at the same time, you would have to choose eventually “ Takasugi shrugged and lit his cigarette as he took a deep drag and the scent made Gintoki remember Hijikata and he sighed.

“Well i cant decide who.. “

“Gintoki! This is a serious matter, you cant just say you cant decide like you are gonna pick between two flavours of parfait! “ Katsura started to rant and crossed his arms “there must be someone who is greater!”

“either way its a losing situation, if you stayed with Tosshi but liked Hijikata you will suffer, Tosshi as well, and if you chose Hijikata, it will be a brothers conflict for sure… By the way.. Does Hijikata like you? Have you confirmed it? “ Takasugi raised a brow as he looked at Gintoki who seemed dumbfounded at the moment as he began to realize that.. He didnt really confirm if Hijikata liked him or not!

“well.. We kissed…”

“yeah i can kiss Katsura too but that doesn't justify anything”

“ugh dont even.. “ Katsura cringed before turning to Gintoki “He got a point though, did he confessed to you or told you? “

“No.. Nothing of sorts happened”

“So what assurance do you got that if you chose Hijikata it will work out? “

“.... “

Takasugi stubbed his cigarette but on the pavement and looked up to them “you should cool things out with Tosshi first and then see where it goes from there”

. 

. 

. 

Hijikata looked at the letter on his hands, the students already left and he was sitting on his desk looking outside the window, he was still uncertain what to do, it was such a very rare opportunity to pass but he cant leave Tosshi specially now where his condition is a bit.. He sighed and frowned, what to do now.. If it works well and the operation will be successful then it might be possible, but he still cant risk it. Can he like transfer in the middle of semester? If ever Tosshi will be fine and okay he could probably go? His musings was then interrupted by a voice.

“Well if it isnt Hijikata-san” Sougo smirked and walked inside the classroom.

“what are you doin here? “

“Kondo-san left his book i came to fetch it for him since he will be buying drinks for tonight “ Sougo then went to Kondo’s desk looking for the book he cast a glance at Hijikata and saw the letter in his hand and then his expression he walked towards him and sat on the other desk beside him.

“You look so deep in thoughts, are you planning a suicide? I can help”

“tch, no thanks”

“i mean.. It must have hurt everyday but you are still keeping it up together im amazed. “

Hijikata frowned at him and glared at his general direction “huh? “

“Aw come on dont play innocent “

“What? “

“About Danna.. How do you do it? Looking at the two of them without batting an eye"

Hijikata gave Sougo a hard glare and the younger male gave him a smirk in return, Hijikata wanted to yell at him and get angry but he was too drained, drained of everything, he was tired, he doesnt have the capacity to be angry right now, after everything with Gintoki, Tosshi and now this letter that feels like a heavy brick on his hands, he just wanted to breathe. He stared at Sougo for a long time before turning his head away and looked back at the window.

Sougo was surprised at this he expected Hijikata to get angry, punch him and yell but after seeing his pathetic expression he clicked his tongue, he looked so worn out and dead. "You are no fun today Hijikata-san, what's up with you?"

"im not in the mood to argue with you"

"is this about danna?"

".... Yeah and many more" he sighed and grabbed his bag that was on the chair, he stuffed the letter there.

"can you still bear it?"

"i dont know, im trying and im too close to just... Nevermind"

"Hijikata-san you can definitely still get danna you know"

"and what? Have Tosshi hate me? No thanks, its fine they are fine, as long as they are happy its okay" he hopped off the desk and straightened his gakuran.

"what about you, are you happy?"

"... Im doing fine"

"liar, such a martyr Hijikata-san how long had you been in love with danna? And you bear all these stuff all alone, even with Tosshi's condition"

"what are you worried about me? Thats a new" Hijikata snorted and Sougo scoffed but let out a chuckle as he shook his head.

"mmm lets just say im curious and you look like you wanna let that out, knowing you, you dony have any close friends and surely you dont wanna disturb Kondo-san so lets say after this ill forget what we are talking about and we even had this conversation " he shrugged and Hijikata stared at him with wide eyes, he and Sougo is not in good terms most of the time but right now he didnt know what to do, he bit his lower lip.

"quite some time now"

Sougo whistled ".. That long huh, why didnt you make a move?"

"..., i d-dont know how, we barely talk and.. We dont have something in common its hard to strike a conversation"

"you are just a socially awkward bastard"

"shut up! Well anyways, it doesnt matter now, graduation is almost close we should be focusing on that"

"ha, mmm yeah yeah, you wont really tell me how long you liked danna?" he smirked and seeing that Hijikata didnt respond anymore he shrugged and hopped on the desk and walked towards the door but paused as he heard Hijikata’s response and looked at him.

".. Three years."

"i wonder how long you can go on with that act, good luck and keep hurting Hijikata-san" he turned away and continued walking to the door, the moment he passed through it his eyes widen as he saw someone leaning against the wall, and he made a short turn to face the person who had his eyes down casted, his left hand shoved on his pocket and his other hand carrying his bag, Sougo glanced inside where Hijikata was still sitting on his desk and beside his desk  there was a stack of things that was left. Sougo looked at him, and thought he must have heard the conversation and not to attract Hijikata's attention inside he slowly murmured.

"Danna..."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good Day!  
> Finally able to update this, been very busy lately with work and sewing. this chapter is a bit short but things will start to peak up eventually!  
> ill still continue to update though in a slow pace and also the other fic Hundred days, i will focus on these two for the time being since im also working on a original story. 
> 
> Thank you so much!!

_“what's this?”_

_Gintoki stared at Hijikata’s extended hand, he held a candy with his face turned away from him, he was surprised when the other male suddenly approached him and thrust his arm holding out the candy for him._

_“someone gave this to me and i dont like sweets, i keep hearing you bitching about not getting any sweets “_

_Ah right, it's valentines day.. And he was complaining that he didn't receive any chocolates, well he did receive a few of them but he was so envious when Hijikata received that one of a kind Strawberry candy that was hard to get by, since then he was complaining about it but he never thought Hijikata would give it to him. His sadistic self came out as he smirked, Hijikata looked so agitated and just wanted for him to take the candy as soon as possible so how can Gintoki pass the opportunity to tease him._

_“oh what is this? Hijikata-kun are you confessing to me?”_

_“wha-” Hijikata’s face burned and he flinched so hard staring at him._

_“sorry but i dont like people with anger issues, essentially with short temper”_

_“w-who said i am confessing you asshole! “ he threw the candy towards Gintoki's face and ran away stomping his foot, Gintoki caught the candy and looked at it._

_Come to think of it.. That was three years ago, it was the first time Hijikata had given him something. Gintoki sighed and frowned as he went home, his mind replaying back from what he heard yesterday, after Sougo left he waited for Hijikata to leave before getting all his stuff, since then he started looking back from three years ago. Before it didnt make any difference when they argue, the fights, the small conversation, but upon learning the facts he realized it just now, what a total idiot he was._

_Hijikata had tried conversing with him, asking questions all of a sudden, but immediately shuts his mouth after Gintoki teases him. He would borrow a pen or eraser even though Gintoki saw he already had a pen so why bother borrowing, he thought that the ink must have dried and didnt work anymore. Very small things, small attempts of Hijikata, yet Gintoki didn't notice it._

“haa.. “

“what's with the big sigh so early in the morning” Takasugi looked at him drinking from his yakult, they are currently walking to the schools main gate. “and where is your otaku boyfriend? “

“he went ahead, he was still upset at me”

“did you think about what i adviced you yesterday? “

Gintoki nodded and they continued to walk until they went inside removed their shoes and went to their lockers. “yeah ill talk to him after school” 

Takasugi looked at him and nodded before leaving first going to his own room which was located on the third floor. Gintoki shook his head and went towards the classroom, once he opened the door his eyes immediately landed on two people, Hijikata and Tosshi was discussing something serious but both of them looked at his direction when he stepped inside, Hijikata first turned his head away, Tosshi nodded and smiled at him before resuming his conversation with his brother. It surprised Gintoki that even in this far distance he was able to distinguish who is who, unlike before. 

Gintoki sat down and took out his pen and notebook to have it ready before the teacher arrives, hearing footsteps coming closer he looked up and saw Tosshi. 

“Sorry i went ahead, Toshiro and I just went to buy something before heading to school” Tosshi smiled and placed a strawberry milk on his desk. 

Gintoki eyed the small carton and smiled looking up at Tosshi. “Thanks, and its fine dont worry” he looked at the strawberry milk and did a quick glance at Hijikata that was sitting beside him and looked up back at Tosshi “Tosshi, are you free after school?”

“mmm, yes i am, I daresay”

“Then lets go out after” 

“Sure”

They both turn their heads once they heard their teacher's voice and Tosshi went back to his desk and the class started as usual. 

The whole day went same as usual, lectures, lunch, breaks. Getting ready for the final exams and graduation, Gintoki cant help but think it's been already four years and he would be attending college soon, he still haven't decided what to pursue or if he would already get a job. He glance at Hijikata and frowned a bit, four years.. 

_“... three years”_

He sighed, his mind was replaying that scene over and over, when he finally focused he was met by Hijikata’s gun metal orbs staring back at him before turning away and back to the board. Gintoki also turned his gaze away to the board, recalling how Hijikata paid attention to everything he did, even that notebook that Shoyo gave him, he even took notice of that, he was really stupid, he wanted to bang his head on the desk now but whats done is done and the thing that needed to be done now is fix everything and start again. 

. 

. 

. 

Gintoki waited outside the room looking at Tosshi and Hijikta conversing before the former bid goodbye to him and headed to meet Gintoki. they walked the hallways and out where his bicycle was parked. they rode silently, Tosshi had his arms wrapped around Gintoki’s waist as they passed by the familiar scenery outside their school gates. 

Gintoki decided to take him to where he and Tosshi normally frequented to eat, the cafe is not far from Tosshi’s place and they serve delicious treats, since the two of them is fond of sweets this became their dating spot. but now it might become a place where he had to man up and settle everything, that's right, he decided to end things with Tosshi here. He knew Tosshi might hate him for this but Takasugi is also right, he cant let this drag on any longer, all of them will suffer in the end. the earlier he cut the ties the better. He wont be pursuing Hijikata either, he just wanted some time alone to think things through and let everything cool down. 

Upon arriving Gintoki parked the bicycle and let Tosshi go in first to pick their seat. once he was settled he went inside and saw Tosshi with his hands on his mouth, coughing. 

“Are you okay?” Gintoki asked as he settled and sat across him, looking at Tosshi who nodded his head. 

“Yes, yes i am fine. dont worry” Tosshi smiled and grabbed the menu on the table. 

“You look pale” Gintoki noted as he looked at him. it was strange Tosshi looked a bit pale since this morning. 

“Its fine, you worry too much, anyways ill get the Chocolate coated fudge, are you getting the usual?”

“Yes” he smiled and raised his hand as he called for the waitress, glancing at Tosshi that was taking deep breathes while looking at the menu. he was about to ask again but the waitress went and stood in front of him, greeting him politely with a lovely smile. 

“What can i get for you? “

“Ah, one chocolate coated fudge and Strawberry glazed cake, two milkshakes, thanks” Gintoki looked up at her who nodded as she listed their order 

“Will come right up please do wait” She smiled at the both of them and left. 

Gintoki swallowed as he looked at Tosshi, now that he was here he didnt know how to start this, what should he do? he cant just suddenly drop the bomb right? like a fish who had his mouth closed and open, wetting his lips as he bit his inner cheek, he took a deep breath but before he could say anything Tosshi beat him into it.

“Are you going to say something?” he asked, though he was fiddling with his phone his head a bit low, his eyes looked up at Gintoki with sharpness that for a moment reminded him of Hijikata’s glare. 

“Well.. i dont want to drag this any further” he took a deep breath and met Tosshi’s eyes. “about us.. look it doesnt mean that you aren't important to me, you still are, its just that.. that.. this thing i just, i dont know--”

“Are you breaking up with me?”

The question stunned Gintoki and it made hi. swallow back his words, he is normally good with words and spouting nonesense so why is this skill betraying him now?! he didn't answer but kept his stare to Tosshi who looked back at him, his back straight leaning against the chair, his hand clenching the phone. 

“You really are, breaking up with me” Tosshi murmured and closed his eyes taking deep breaths. “Why? you dont love me anymore?”

Gintoki “... “ 

“You got tired of me?”

“Its not that”

“Then what? you found someone else? “

the silence was deafening, there are only few people in the cafe now and they are seated at the corner where a glass window was beside them, its secluded from the rest of the spot. 

“Answer me, Gintoki!” Tosshi raised his voice a bit and it was the first time Gintoki had witness it, Tosshi is normally cheerful and a calm person, when they argue he just get a brief silent treatment but never did he raise his voice to him. 

“Is it my brother?!” Tosshi looked at him as he pleaded in his eyes to give him a different answer, however Gintoki’s silence only gave away his obvious answer and he slammed his palm on the table, grabbed his bag to leave, clutching his chest as he did so. Gintoki moved and grabbed Tosshi’s wrist. 

“Tosshi wait! let's talk it over” 

“No! Let go of me! “ he hissed and tried to pried his wrist “l-let.. go!” Tosshi continued to squirm, they are attracting too much attention now and he finally noted Tosshi’s irregular breathing and pulled him closer. 

“Hey, Tosshi! what's goin on?! are you okay? “ Gintoki looked at him, Tosshi was sweating, beads of it rolling down his temple as he clutched the clothes on his chest and his breathing became a heavy pant. 

“I.. cant.. br-breathe.. cal.. call Toshi.. ro.. haa.. “ 

Gintoki panicked and the staff in the cafe also assisted them, calling the ambulance Gintoki was supporting him, he was scared, he didnt know what to do or what is going on! Is it his fault for breaking up with him? but its too much of a reaction for that, he was angry clearly but… he looked at Tosshi’s pale skin and his heaving, brows knitted, he had noticed that he wasnt in q good condition since this morning yet he still.. 

“The ambulance is here! ‘ One of the staff yelled. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

 

Hurried footsteps can be heard on the hallway, a dark haired male was panting and rushed towards the receptionist, his face clearly showed distress and the blue orbs looking at her with urgency. 

“Where is room 824?!”

“Second floor then to the left hallway you--” She was not able to finish when the man rushed to the nearest elevator. Hijikta pressed the 2 button and leaned against the wall, tapping his foot. he received a call from Gintoki that Tosshi was rushed to the hospital, he left work after and immediately went. he knew something was up with Tosshi! he shouldn't agreed with him going out with Gintoki today. 

speaking off, the that means.. Gintoki now knew?

the door indicated a ding and it parted open, Hijikata rushed out and went to the left hallway, from the distance he can already see Gintoki that was sitting on the long bench outside the room. 

“Gintoki.. “ he murmured once he arrived “How is he? “

“The doctor still checking him “ Gintoki responded. 

there was a small silence until Gintoki broke it by asking “why didn't you tell me? why didn't he tell me?! “

 

 


End file.
